The Wonderful World of Being a Gay Man

While in Nashville this weekend, #2 and I discussed the gay thing at length. She used that term with me that I have grown to loathe….”Having my cake and eating it too!” If you’ll scan back a year or so, you’ll see my posting about the cake issue.

Plainly put, women and men are vastly different. Not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically. So, depending on perspective, the gay issue is a different critter for all involved.

Men compartmentalize their sexual encounters and view it as a pleasureable physical act. Guys tend to be able to keep it recreational better than women. Women tend to have it represent a host of other things both physical and emotional.

I have a lot of gay male friends. Some are involved in hetero marriages, while others are single or involved in committed relationships. Even among gay men, commitment means different things depending on who you ask.

For example, a gay male couple can be committed to each other emotionally, but have all manners of sexual escapades beyond that relationship. Some establish exotic house rules the permit extracurricular relationships. For example:

It’s okay to have sex with other guys as long as you don’t kiss.
It’s okay to have sex with other guys as long as you don’t do it in our bed.
It’s okay to have sex with other guys as long as you don’t come inside him…or he comes inside you.
It’s okay to have sex with other guys as long as you don’t swallow.
It’s okay to have sex with other guys as long as you’re safe.

And so on.

Then there are a lot of the “straight guys” who identify as “bi.” They do this, I think, because it helps them to ease into the gay world a bit….a little at a time. Sadly, in today’s society, it’s a lot more acceptable if you like guys, as long as a naked woman is also present during the action.

But as diverse as the gay male community can be, the relationships that set me on edge involve those guys who say they’re “straight” but just like to have sex with men. A lot of these men, and I know many, indulge in all manner of unprotected gay sex. They then get up…go home and have unprotected hetero sex with their wives and never tell them what’s going on.

Or they willingly perform all manner of gay sex act, but they still identify as straight as long as they don’t kiss another guy…or they aren’t the bottom….
Then there are the monogamously coupled gay guys who wouldn’t think of playing around. God bless ‘em.

What an interesting world in which we all live.

There’s quite a contingent of my readers who are the wives of the men like me.

Like Lovey (sort of.)

And, because there is so much of you that isn’t like Lovey, I owe you a great big apology.

I’ve railed enough about the evil’s of women…like Lovey, Mrs. McGreevey and others who have their own agendas and who allow their anger about having gay husbands push them over the edge into bitterness, hate, etc. It makes them almost scary and unrecognizeable as the person that men like me married.

So I suppose, given the different types of gay men and gay relationships, it’s no wonder that straight wives look at this issue in so many different ways.

I have a profound sense of respect and honor to those women who have made the choice to stand by their husbands and craft a unique path to keep their marriages intact, but still provide safe zones for their husbands to act on their urges and feelings. It’s easy to throw in the towel and say that the marriage is over. It takes substantial guts to make a stand to support your husband as is and to continue to love him unconditionally.

Your husbands are very fortunate to have you.

I know that if you were my wife, I’d cherish you and the ground on which you walked.