Christmas Reflections

As I said earlier, Christmas at my house was quite peaceful and enjoyable. I spent some true quality time with one of my children. During that time, I learned some very important things, namely, the fact that the divorce is just now beginning to affect #2.

Oh, it’s nothing major at this point…. But still it affects her and thus, causes me grief to know that something that has happened in my life has affected her so much.

She confided in me that she is beginning to feel pressure. She doesn’t like it at all. The pressure she is referring to is that that her mom puts on her in the form of guilt. You see, while Lovey was in the hospital, she kept saying to #2 things like, “I’m always short changed in your visits. You always stay with your dad the most…”

I guess it makes #2 feel like she’s in a contest.

It makes her self-conscious and looking at her watch to make sure that she is being equal.

The same thing happened at Thanksgiving. After that holiday I sent her a long note and told her to stop being pulled into that rut immediately.

I reminded her of this. I told her that I had no preconceived notions when she came to visit me. I was always glad to see her, whenever she chose to come by…..and that if she wanted to spend the entire time with her mom, that would be okay – as long as I knew she was safe, warm and happy.

Lovey came to her mother’s on Christmas Day to spend a few days with her. We were invited to attend dinner down there. A delicious roast was prepared and we were able to enjoy a nice meal. The good dentist was present…YIKES. Once again, Lovey sat next to me. (She sat next to me during the Thanksgiving meal too.)

When Mom O’Lovey started talking about her favorite Christmas….and she dragged out her scrapbook commemorating her 70th birthday, seven years ago, I nearly lost it. There in all the pictures was a picture of me with Lovey in much happier times. There were pictures of the kids….of us with the kids…….. All of a sudden I felt my eyes beginning to sting.

So, I excused myself from the table and went to another room.

Seeing those old pictures made me cry……and made me realize just how much things have changed.

God, how I hate change!

But I got it all out of my system and returned to the gathering. I don’t think anyone noticed.

I just put on my happy face and continued my meal.