Thursday Morning

Greetings from snowy Northern Virginia!

We've had an Alberta Clipper to move through and as I sit here and write this, the sun is dancing on the new fallen snow. It's beautiful outside....and the sky is a perfect blue. It's cold as can be outside, but still, it's so nice to have the snow.

I love it.

I apologize for not having written for a long while. I've been under the weather with a very bad head cold....and dual ear infections. Ah...the joys of diabetes. My doctor always says that with diabetes, you can be a whole lot sicker than you feel....and in my case...I felt so bad, I just didn't know what to do. I saw my doctor early on Tuesday.....she gave me an antibiotic, but yesterday I felt so very bad...I stayed home from the office.

It was so weird. I think this is the first time that I've been REALLY sick since my daughter moved to El Salvador... When you feel so bad, it only seems to heighten the feeling of aloneness. Gosh I hate it.

Had a busy weekend.

I went to church on Sunday and found myself, at lunch, receiving a pep talk from a lesbian couple. (I think I told you before that the lesbians in my church have all adopted me...and made me an honorary lesbo... It all stems from the retreat I attended in the summer and they all discovered that I was one of the few gay men present who knew how to throw a ball!)

What began the peptalk was the fact that they were going on and on about how they met. I'm always fascinated by hearing how gays and lesbians meet....and how the dynamics work. We then were talking about all our hopes for the New Year. I said that I hoped I'd my Mr. Right would become available...in the coming year. They turned to me and said, "Oh, Frank....you're not going to have any problems at all." With this they started enumerating all my good qualitites.

It's funny....but after all the years of marriage.....and the painful separation and divorce......it has been a long time since someone sat me down and proceeded to enumerate all the good qualities they perceive me to have. I felt like a dry sponge finally coming in contact with a small puddle of water. I sucked it all in. It made me feel great. I'm so blessed.

There's also a new friend of mine that I made while up in Providence. I think of him now as my life coach...and told him that I think he would do well in that kind of role. He's actually taken the time to talk to me.......via email.....via phone......and encouraged me. Sometimes, all it takes is one little word of encouragement that gets us through a dry place.

All I know is that I'm so very blessed to have such an arsenal of friends....online.....at church.....who seem to genuinely care about me. Gosh....to think I've had up those very tall and very thick walls for so long. I'm glad I was brave enough to let them down.....and to be a blogger....and to go to the church that I'm currently going to.

I am VERY encouraged.

Thanks to all of you...for your words of encouragement throughout the year.

On a sidebar topic....I had a chance to check in with therapist #4 about how I'm tracking with my life after divorce. I did not mention the other 3....and I certainly didn't say anything about what they had told me. I just wanted to hear his thoughts. It was his belief that I'm doing well. Therapy isn't needed. He thinks that there is quite an adjustment to be made after having been involved in a relationship for as long as I have. "Of course there will be the sad and lonely times," he said. "But, look at how you're dealing with them....you've made new friends....you've reached out.... You've not become a hermit or shut down." I also told him about my blog and my online support groups I am part of.... All of which he agreed were very healthy outlets to express my feelings and thoughts.
So I found all that affirming too.

So, today, I'm doing well emotionally.

One thing I've noticed....the bad times seem to be at longer and longer intervals.

This is a good thing!