It's Time For An Anniversary!

Oh my!

It's THAT time of year again.

As of 2pm tomorrow, December 12, 2007, it will have been 26 years since I got married to Lovey.

Yes, it's another anniversary.

A day for me to pause and to remember. But don't count on me dwelling on the past. My present is keeping me WAAAAAAAY too busy for all that.

I suppose I'm still in shock. I mean, the separation and divorce and the aftermath were all such a black and bleak period for me. I never thought I'd see the light of day ever again.....or that I would ever be happy ever again.

Yet, within the past few weeks, I've noted that I'm a lot more happy and content than ever before. I'm not sad. I'm not depressed. I've finally forgiven myself for all my shortcomings. (And, there are many.)

Still I'm amazed at how subtle the improvement came upon me. I'm so thankful that I'm happy and seemingly adjusting well to the fact that I am single....a single gay man that is no longer driven to find a mate. Or one that is haunted by the past.

I'm jus a guy, who is working to be complete and content...and I am well on my way.

I found the attached picture on the internet. It made me chuckle because it wasn't that long ago that I felt like the groom on the cake... Actually, the cake is a "divorce cake." Obviously it is taken from the wife's perspective.

I guess different people, express all the different feelings, well......er.....differently.

In thinking about things....it occurred to me that probably the epiphany started to hit me the night I drove Lovey to pick up #2 from the airport on the night before Thanksgiving. But there was a feeling of thankfulness on my part.......and I didn't write aout it here........to no longer have her in my life. I mean...she still has a lot of issues. And, it is clear that she's not going to be happy regardless of anything.

Further, she's beginning to tug on the kids.....trying to lay guilt trips upon them about their spending so much time with me and not with her.

So, I just leave them alone. It's their problem....and they need to work it all out.

I'm just going on about my business.....and being available when the kids want me. I refuse to make any demands upon them.

Weddings are such strange events. Do I still celebrate the marriage...or do as I have done for the past 2 years....just leave it all alone? I mean, no matter what I do or say....When December 12 rolls around annually......I can't change the fact that on December 12, 1981, that I walked down that aisle with Lovey.

Last year I purchased china to replace the china that Lovey filched when she left in June of 2006. I then took myself to dinner. I laid down a whole host of new memories....for my 25th anniversary.

I'm thinking that I don't need to do anything like that.

It's over.

And I'm getting on with my life.

It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good to be healing.

Nicely.