One of the thoughts my pastor left us with yesterday as she concluded her sermon was, “Choose Joy!”
I’m one of those guys that just did ever do that because up until very recently, I didn’t have a lot of joy to choose from.
It seemed that the gay thing had caused my life to spin totally out of control and that I spent the majority of my time bobbing and weaving from one drama until the next. Or that I would just exists from one tearful outburst from Lovey to another. And the complaints. Oh man…I had to put up with all the complaints about everything.
It was a sad life.
But in my journey here, I have started to experience joy: the simple joy of living….of catching my next breath…….or watching my dog sleep peacefully in front of the Christmas tree.
Perhaps the greatest joy that I’m now learning to handle is the joy of entertaining others and of being a good friend. You see, my gayness served as a pretty impenetrable fortress on which to forge friendships. I avoided them. I didn’t feel that I had much to offer.
Who, after all, would want to spend time with me….an ugly old fag.
But I’ve found out that I’m not necessarily ugly….and that the friends I have made do seem to want to spend more time with me. And I can’t begin to tell you how much it affirms me to hear them say, “Frank, you have such a wonderful and comfortable home!”
After all, it wasn’t that long ago when I was fretting about decorating my home…..and feeling so very unsure of myself or my abilities.at decorating.
But here I am al those months later….and my friends like what all I have done.
And all it took was me stepping out and doing it and giving it my best shot!
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