Bad News

I’m still in shock at the prospect of becoming a grandfather. Thus far I have no final confirmation one way or the other.

I pray that the marine is not a dad. He just isn’t ready emotionally. He hasn’t matured enough.

On top of this, I’d much prefer to have my first grandchild be greeted with love, excitement, and hope – not fear, trepidation, or uncertainty.

But this is the queer grandpa’s thoughts, what do I know?

Now onto another topic.

When it rains, it pours they say. Well, I feel like I’m in the middle of a cloud burst.

Yesterday I went to visit my doctor. My body chemistry is all messed up. My sugars are basically out of control. It appears that my body has once again turned on me. The meds for diabetes appear to have stopped working. My doctor wants me to go on insulin.

I’ve had 15 years without doing this. I’m quite depressed about this latest development and I feel like a failure.

My doctor says that I shouldn’t feel this way. She says that I have just entered into a new stage of diabetes management. Some of the troubling symptoms I’ve had appear to be diabetic “brown outs” according to her. She says that I will feel so much better.

I asked if we could hold off on the insulin for another six weeks while I see if I can get my numbers down further. During the time of the separation and the divorce proceedings, my numbers were really something. At least since the divorce finalized on May 29, an improvement has occurred. I told her I wanted to see what my body did as a result of my “settling down” and getting into a routine.

My next appointment is September 11.

Keep me in your thoughts as I struggle with this latest drama.