Relationships

This weekend has been an interesting time of my being in the presence of a lot of my gay friends -- some new -- some old. I also had the opportunity to catch up with one friend on the telephone on Friday. It's interesting how all of them in their various conversations with me struck a chord.

Are gay relationships any more fickle than straight relationships can be?

Two of my friends who have been involved in somewhat long-term relationships have had them end on somewhat sour notes. One ended after quite a stormy term that featured a rather significant age difference -- my friend who is around my age and his former partner who was in his late 20s. The other is a couple who are close in age (again around my age), but one of them suffers from a mild case of mental issues. However, in each of these relationships, the issues have surfaced in such a way that the relationships have been unable to continue.

So they ended.

When I heard these stories, I wondered if these relationships would have ended had they been heterosexual. It seems that we have support systems in place to offer help to such couples in difficulty. Is it the same for gay couples?

I just don't know. But it is a shame to see people you care about go through breakups.

I only know what the breakup of my straight marriage was like....but I think I can relate to what these gay couples are feeling.

The gay friend that I chatted with on Friday afternoon also is kind of in the same boat as me. He's married, with children. He and his wife plan to go the separate ways when their current child (age 14) heads off to college in a few years. But my friend is struggling with different issues related to this decision. One being that every single man he meets, he automatically sizes him up as a potential mate. He has set expectations and qualifications for a life partner and so, when he meets a single man, he runs over the checklist in his mind.

I suppose I'm a bit guilty of doing this too. I looked at the couples who have broken up....and the men that I know who are now suddenly single, I find myself wondering what they would be like as partners.

Two of the four men are guys that I find myself strongly attracted to, but I just don't think they feel the same way for me. AND...in my condition, I'm certainly not brave enough to approach either and say, "Hey...how about giving me a chance?"

I guess I'm suffering from the same malady that on eof my daughters face in their dating quest. They want the guy to make the first move and be the pursuer. I am so very shy, I'm afraid. So, in my mind, I discount the possibility. So, I become a friend and listen to them talk about all their drama they have in their lives.

And I wonder....gee what kind of mate would you make for me?

Now, when I'm pondering the prospect of a mate, I don't think I'm wanting an awfully lot. What I want is:

a man who is available.

a man who wants me as much as I want him.

a man who place me as priority one in his life.

a man that I can place as priority one in my life.

a man that will be true and honest and monogamous.

Ah, but sadly, I'm not sure if this exists in the gay world.

The closest that I have to any of this is with Brokeback....but as I have said in previous posts, that relationship can only go so far due to his commitments.

So, I guess I'm totally prepared to go through the remainder of my life alone. Let's face it. Relationships present opportunities for stress to take root. I've just ended my 25 year relationship with Lovey and God knows how stressful she was.

I don't want dysfunction in my gay relationship, but I get a sense that there is the distince possibility of that happening.

It frightens me because I'm not sure that I have the energy to devote to the issues related to such a relationship.

So, perhaps I should just sit back down....calm myself.....and craft a comfortable existence alone with my dog, my house, my grown children, my parents, my friends, and Brokeback and be happy with what I have. I need to learn about contentment and remember that I have so very much to be happy about. I have so much more than a lot of men.

The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.