Today I have noticed that I'm a bit tired of the gay thing.
I mean, I'm tired of reading the gay news, the gay gossip, looking at all the gay support sites. I'm tired of wondering about my future and fearing the concept of dying old, bitter and alone. Why, I'm even tired of being gay!
My gayness is my identity. It has had some very major effects on my life. I upset my former wife, my kids, my parents.....myself. It has consumed a lot of my waking moments and expended vast amounts of energy. It has created much turmoil in my life. It has just made me so tired of it all.
I wonder if straight people ever get tired of being straight?
2 comments:
It's not so much that I get tired of it, as much as I treasure being connected with people of all sorts.
The place I'm staying at the moment is a rowhouse where one of the neighbors has a decade-plus-long tradition of hanging out on the front stoop a couple evenings a week, chatting with passers-by, sharing a beer or two. He's funny as hell, really enjoys life. The thing that's cool with me is that so far every neighbor I've met while hanging out there seems to be unique... firefighter, graphics designer, TV newscaster, retired, student, beer-truck driver... I find I need that kind of connectedness with folks where we're not all alike.
Take care...
I, too, get tired of it. But I'm still trying to fit in. I know I'm going through a "sooooo gay" phase. I want to be around gays, read gay-themed books, etc.
I want to absord it, relish in it, learn from it. I'm discovering that it is not so much something I have to learn as something I want to let out. It's not like I've just become "gay". I've always been that way.
For me, this discovery phase is sometimes tedious, overwhelming, etc. And, I get so tired of the struggle. I just want to be me. But I am, more and more, feeling the pain and reality of our oppression. (Sounds like fightin' words, eh?) But it is true. And real; and coming closer to being "in my face."
But, yes. Sometimes I get tired of it. Balance. As steve boese suggests, a balance of all sorts and conditions of people is best. I hope to get there before too long, with openness, honesty, intergrity.
Shalom & Cheers, Joe
Post a Comment