The First Day of a New Year!

Well, here we are at the beginning of a brand new year!

I went to a party of all my friends last night. At one point in the evening before midnight, I walked out onto the deck and did some reflecting. l thought about all the blessings I have experienced. I thought about last year's resolutions. I thought about all the things I was feeling last year at this time -- the sadness, the sense of loss, the loneliness, and the fear of the unknown.

My mind also raced to New Year's Eves gone by. Forty years ago, for example, I watched the ball drop with my dad. He talked about the new year, 1968 and he wondered what it might bring. What a year that was!

I also remembered that on December 31, 1988 I was lying on the beach in Sarasota, Florida all by myself. Lovey and the girls went with her parents to visit some friends in Tampa. (Now, those friends are gone, Lovey's Dad is gone, and Lovey herself is no longer part of my life.) I was enjoying the hot, summer-like temperatures, the crash of the waves and was dozing when I heard two young women scream "HAPPY NEEW YEAR!" to the life guard. It made me bolt upright....and rouse myself from the dreamlike state I had drifted into. I forgot that it was in the middle of the winter!

Last year I was saddened by the fact that all my friends had evaporated. I was part of a church where people ignored me. It was very frightening to be in this new situation.

My main resolution of that year was to expand my network of friends -- something that went waaaay beyond my comfort zone. BUT, I have worked to do this.

As I stood on that deck at one of my friends' houses, last night, it all came back.

I breathed a prayer of thanksgiving. None of those people, except one, were in my life last year.

And here I was, surrounded by people who loved me.

All new friends.

So, life goes on.

I have a couple of main resolutions this year.... Oh, I have the ones that everyone has.....I need to lose weight.......I need to take care of myself physically.....emotionally.......I need to savor every moment that I experience with family and friends.....

But then, I have a couple of really serious resolutions that I will work on every day during the year. One is that I want to get a new job. It's time. I need to jump start my career and stretch.

Then, I have one other resolution that, for now, will remain unspoken. It's more of a need than anything else. But, in order to survive, I need to work on it too.

So, wish me luck....

This is the first of what I hope will become the mile marker that says, "This is where Frank turned a corner into a richer, fuller, and happier life!"

May each of you have a safe, warm, and happy New Year.If you're headed through some of the territory I've traveled....and you're divorcing or separated because of the gay thing...or for whatever reason..... Yes, there is pain....there is sadness.......and there's even a little loneliness. But, it does get better.

I promise.