Reclaiming My Life

Slowly, but surely, Frank is coming back – and I think he is much better than ever!

I sense it in very subtle ways:

• I’m laughing more;
• I’m feeling more in control of my life;
• I’m feeling more motivated on my job;
• My creativity is beginning to bounce back;
• My feelings of self-worth are improving.

And the list goes on.

In looking back at the last 7 or so years of my life, I didn’t realize just how bad things had gotten. It sort of slipped up on me.

The sadness….the depression….the feelings of failure…..the feelings of being off-track and not having the faintest idea of how to get with the program again.

It’s a very lonely and helpless feeling.

Most of my days were spent going through the motions.

There was also a relatively new feeling of not caring much about anything anymore. Not caring about doing a good job….or of being a good person – after all, I was told that I was a horrible husband and how I took advantage of other less advantaged people. It seemed that no matter what I did to try and improve things, nothing worked. So why should I try?

It has certainly been a nightmare situation.

I remember being happy and full of excitement about the challenges of each new day. It was just good to be alive. I was ever the eternal optimist -- regardless of my situation. I wasn't afraid of taking risks.....personally and professionally. I trusted myself.

Somewhere along the way I lost it all. My heart and life were full of dread, fear, and uncertainty. I was saddened by most everything. I began to second guess my core beliefs. I became unsure of myself. I lost site of the trust I once had in being ME.

Things are improving.

It kind of reminds me of having been sick throughout a long and dreary night. But outside the window, you see glimmers of the coming dawn -- and the promise of a new day.

I'm at that point in my life.

There's the faintest of glows in the eastern sky....