A Beautiful Day to Count All My Blessings

It's a beautiful spring day here in the nation's capital.

The Cherry Trees are beginning to blossom. The sun is shining. Puffy white clouds are gently floating by.

It's lunchtime.

I've had a busy day.

But I'm not too busy to pause and to count my blessings.

So many people have not understood why I've been going through so much angst as a result of the breakup of my marriage. They see me as being a gay person who is finally able to experience the joy of being ME and being true to myself. They think that I should just suck it up and move on.

"Get over it," they say.

But it has been so very hard.

I'm a bit slow sometimes in processing major events. Especially big and bad major events.

Divorce is one of these.

I've had to deal with insecurities that were exposed as my life has been totally plucked up by the rootss. I've been overwhelmed by decisions -- major decisions about how to live my life -- about my house -- about my job -- about my children -- about my health.

All of this has been so very overwhelming.

I've been affected to the core of my very being.

The pain, at times, has been almost intolerable. There wasn't a pill I could take to lessen it or to make it go away. I couldn't avoid it. I couldn't pretend it didn't exist.

I didn't have the strength to "suck it up" or to "get a grip."

Those familiar feelings of failure nearly strangled the life out of me. Oh my life was so empty!

I felt suffocated with loneliness.

It's been nearly three years of gloom and doom.

Somehow I kept making steps. Giant steps some days -- baby steps others. Overall, I kept moving forward.

One day though, things changed. I don't know the date. I don't know the time.

I turned, and suddenly life didn't look so gray. The pain was gone. Poof! The insecurities vanished. The Old Frank began resurfacing in the neatest ways. Decisions came easier.

I suddenly realized that I've survived. I didn't just survive, I survived well.

I have my home. I have my dog. I have things that make me happy. I've made good, kind, and dear friends who love me.

Most of all, each passing day takes me further and further from those painful days of separation and of divorce....of harsh words....of sadness....and of loneliness and of worrying about my being gay.

I'm developing a good life. One that has healed.

Oh, there are scars. But I believe they will fade eventually. They've already begun to do so.

Yes, I'm counting my blessings -- there are so many.