WOW!

So, I'm just minding my business at my house one day recently and the telephone rings. It's daughter #2 from Nashville breathlessly telling me all about this man she had me after church. He sat across from her at lunch and they seemed to hit it off.

She was totally tongue-tied. Unable to convey exactly what she was wanting to so desperately.

I've never seen or heard her be like this. It really must have been quite a moving experience.

This was about a month ago....

I've received daily updates every day since. He's sent her flowers. He's been attentive. He's held her hands. He's played with her hair. He's stroked her face. He's told her how pretty he thinks she is.

He's spoken of his five year old daughter....that lives with her mom.

He's shared his dreams.

He's also heard #2 sing...and he thinks (Oh...he's in the music biz too!) he can turn my little girl into a rock star!

He cooks for her....takes her to swanky restaurants.

Let's face it gang....he's wooing her and #2's resistance to all this is beginning to melt.

She initially thought he was gay because he was so attentive. I laughingly told her, "#2, your GayDar is broken....you haven't got a clue....so stop trying to lay that one on him. Take your time, enjoy the attention. No one is asking you to jump his bones, marry him....and have his love child. Just be cool."

But after some more discussion....it appears that my gay issue has affected my daughter in ways I couldn't have imagined.

This bothers me.

I never set out to cause such angst or fear in anybody.

But here we are.

I feel like JOE RESPONSIBLE.

As time has progressed and I've had additional conversations about all this with my little girl....I pointed out that being gay is just one of those little quirky things that make me so loveable. I'd also like to think that I put FUN in dysFUNctional.

She's relaxed......she's now breathing....but still pondering the guy.

I found him on the Internet, by the way. His hobby is bodybuilding of all things. I found three pictures of him -- there in all of his glory......and his little skimpy bikini.......with muscles falling out all over.

WOW.

Turns out he is 30 years old.

And simply GORGEOUS.

This now raises fears in me.

What if he and her become man and wife...? And he becomes my first son-in-law? Oh man.... reunions will never be the same.... I'll have such a difficult time staring across the Christmas Turkey at him.

Aw....I'm a good dad.....and I wouldn't ever dream of hooking up with a hunky son-in-law. But it has always been a fear of mine.... What do I do if I'm strongly attracted to one of my daughter boyfriends?

I guess what I will do is to downplay any attraction......and just be a dad. That's my best role in life.

However, I did tell #2 that whenever she and her brother and her sister marry, I want to have a very close relationships with their spouses. One day, all six of them and any grandchildren will be the only family I've got. I want each to know that I love them fiercely...because when I leave this planet, I want my family to remember me as a good man. Someone that cared. Someone that was dependable. Someone that was there when needed.

But mostly, I want to be remembered as the man who loved them all unconditionally.

Here's an email I wrote #2 today....it sums up my feelings pretty well I think:

#2:

I'm having one heck of a day thus far. One of my "star" employees did somethng really "brilliant" and I've been trying to clean up the mess.

So, I need a break.

You're my victim.

I've been giving you and the bodybuilder a whole lot of thought. I think this is a great time for you both….and it's wise to proceed as you are: slowly. My only words of wisdom are for you to enjoy the moments you have with him. He obviously enjoys you….and likes being around you…..and getting to know you. This doesn't mean that you have to rush to the altar next week and have kids a few weeks after. It does mean that you have made a good friend…one that enjoys spoiling you…..and treating you as a lady.

This is a time of exploration….and of getting to know one another. He seems to speak freely around you of his dreams and aspirations. Do you do the same? It never hurts to ask "what-ifs". It also never hurts to ask questions during quiet times of reflection. You don't have to pull out your list and run down them all at once. Here are some samples….I think you'll get the idea..

"What if you fell for a lady that wants to be a performer? Do you see any conflicts with your desire for a large family?"

"Mr. Bodybuilder, how would you define a 'good' marriage?"

"What makes you mad? When you're mad, how do you handle it? Are you violent?"

What makes you sad?

"What makes you happy?"

"What are you favorite colors?"

"What are your favorite foods?"

(When you find the answers to the previous three questions….you can also find out when his birthday is……and do some things to surprise him……surrounding those answers.)

"So, Mr. Bodybuilder, I have to know….and I apologize if this sounds like I'm prying…..actually I'm just trying to get to know you better. You were married before, right? How long? What happened to it? Any regrets? What did you learn from the experience?"

(This could be an entire conversation by itself…….and the questions aren't meant to be asked all at once…but over the flow of the conversation.)

Now, don't go and get all BETTE DAVIS on me. I'm not saying that you and Mr. Bodybuilder are going to get married…etc. But you never know. You're just now establishing a great friendship….a close friendship…..a special friendship.

Before I began dating your mom, I read an essay. I can't remember the name of it…..or who it's by. All I can remember is one line that says, "Love is a friendship that's caught fire." That's what happened with your mom and me. We were such great friends at one time. Oh, how I still grieve sometimes over how it all ended…and I'm haunted by so many, many things. But, you know, there's not a blessed thing that I can do about it. I just have to let 25.5 years go….and sometimes it's hard. Like yesterday for example….that was so strange how that all came about. Afterwards, I was emotionally wrung out.

But this email isn't about my feelings…..or what my experiences, good and bad, have been.

It's about YOU….and how happy I am for what appears to be happening. You deserve nothing but good things.

I will put you on notice though….and you can roll your eyes all you want to…..but as all you kids find your significant others….I want to develop close bonds with each of them too! I don't want to have the cold, distant and aloof relationship that Phil imparted to me. I don't want to be cold and prickly…..or come across as hateful and controlling. I just want each of my sons-in-law and the daughter-in-law to know that I love them dearly…..and that they are a part of my wild and wacky family. After all, there will come a time when the only family I have will be my kids….their spouses…..and their children. It's very important to me to have solid, strong, and vibrant relationships with each….and I want everyone to feel free to talk to me about EVERYTHING…just like you guys do now. So, if things start heating up with you and Mr. Bodybuilder, WARN HIM!

Well, I guess I've rattled long enough…and I need to go back to earning a paycheck.

Love you lots…

Daddy