Report from the World of Dating!

One of my friends told me a few weeks ago,

"Frank, you've got to begin dating. You need to get out and meet guys....and play the field. You're not getting any younger so get out there!"

For the life of me, I have just not really considered myself something to have to mass market. But apparently, my friends think I should throw caution to the wind and just see what's out there.

One person, in particular, helped me to craft an ad for one of those paying dating sites. He also helped me to select some tasteful pictures of me....(which are the only kind I have. If I had any of the "other" types of pictures, I certainly am not going to go about posting them on the Web!)

Up the ad went.

It's averaging a person a day looking at it.

It's certainly not causing folks to be tearing down my front door to be with me. And, the guys who have expressed interest aren't exactly my cup of tea....to put it nicely.

All except one... He seemed to be perfect... on paper that is.

His name was Bill. He lives in my area and was rather mysterious about the nature of his work. However, with the magic of caller-ID, I was able to find out his full name and I did a GOOGLE search.

I found out all about him professionally. I saw pictures...and learned that he has written a number of books.

Finally, he and I set up a time to talk....after a flurry of emails. Before I go on, he asked about my history. He was curious about my marriage...the length of time.....how long have I been out......how did I feel when the wife dumped me.....what's been the hardest adjustment....etc.

So, when he called me, I asked some probing questions about him. I didn't particularly care about his voice....it was effeminate and quite nasal. He spoke with a whine. He announced that he considered himself an activist.....and on and on he went.....

I thought to myself, "This guy takes himself WAAAAAAAAAAAY too seriously."

Still I continued talking.

He brought up the Gay Men's Chorus. I said that I enjoyed them immensely. He then went off on a tirade about how they play to every stereotype in the book of gay people. "I went to one performance and was highly offended and walked out," he said flatly.

I rolled my eyes.

There was a long pause.

"You know," he said. "I have to be honest here. My experience has shown that since you have not gone into formal therapy about your coming out issues and your divorce, I just can't become intimately involved with you."

Inside I nearly choked.

How dare he?

He may have his PHd...in whatever it is that he has it in. BUT, he doesn't know what I've done....or what I plan to do.....or if I even wanted to become intimately involved with HIM!

I simply responded, "Okay."

Long pause.

I had nothing more to say....and because "Wild Bill" had made this pronouncement out of the blue and was so knowledgeable about my psyche, I decided to let him dig himself out of this hole.

He stammered....he stuttered......he cleared his throat.

I remained silent.

"I hope you're not offended," he said rather condescendingly after more silence.

"Oh, I'm not offended in the least Bill!" I responded cheerily. "I'm just totally fascinated by the fact that you can arrive at such conclusions when you and I have not even met...or discussed what I've done or what I've NOT done. But that's terrific that you can do that. However, since you were honest with me, I should do likewise."

"Please do," Bill said politely.

"I'm not so sure that I really would be interested in developing anything with you. You see, folks who can't treat me as an equal and feel they have to talk down to me turn me off quicker than anything...and that is exactly what you've done today in this phone call."

"But --" he tried to interrupt.

"Oh, Bill, that's okay. Apologies aren't necessary. I've got things to do and I need to meet a friend for lunch that I haven't seen in over 20 years. Have a wonderful day!"

I could hear babbling on the other end of the telephone as I pressed the END CALL button. For the life of me, I don't know what it is he was saying.

But I felt empowered.

Gee, I can tell I have grown exponentially. I'm so much more sure of myself. It used to be that such encounters as this would have devestated me before. Now I'm learning that there are lots of different types of people in this world. This is what dating is all about. It's what you have to go through as you sift through candidates for life partners.

For me, my pickings are quite slim. I'm old....I'm no gym god. I'm me. I'm not cerebral. I do have some standards....and one very important rule that I live by is to never "talk down" to anyone.....and to never tolerate when someone "talks down" to me!

I may never, ever, have a life partner..or have someone in my life that I can love unconditionally and have him do the same, 24/7. But, I am reaching the point where this is going to be okay too.

I'm learning to enjoy being with me....and affirming me.

In spite of what some others may think, I've learned that I'm not such a bad guy to hang around with.