The Cure

I'm amazed.

Simply and utterly amazed.

Ted Haggard, the former megachurch pastor and head of the National Association of Evangelicals, has been cured after 3 weeks of "intensive" counseling. The overseer of the megachurch he once pastored says so...and says that he is "completely heterosexual." The story says. See it for yourself in today's New York Times.

Aw c'mon. Who are they trying to fool?

This only adds to the confusion this topic generates. People think that you can change your sexuality like turning a water faucet on and off.

Christians run around and scream "I'm cured. Jesus saved me. I'm heterosexual! Halleleujah!"

"Jesus is putting my life back together." says Rev. Ted.

But, as a gay man who has spent many years with Exodus-like groups, I know that for all the preaching and praying and screaming they do. For all the testimonies they provide about life changing experiences and turning straight....it ain't really happening. There's a big difference between change/deliverance and repression. I could go back to those groups and vow to change and stop being gay.....and repress my thoughts/desires......and then jump up and down and say "I'm Straight!" But, I would become unhealthy.....suicidal......maladjusted.....miserable.....and completely sad.

Now I don't mean to sound like a satanist. But goodness, God saves, God delivers. God makes his will known. God can do mighty acts.

But in my life, it just didn't happen.

I prayed.

I fasted.

I recited the 14 steps of Homosexual's Anonymous.

I've worried about my relationships and examined my life for areas that weren't good. So that I could accept "healthy" relationships with men. (My life growing up was fine thank you very much.)

I've cried.

I've had demons cast out of me.

All this energy and time devoted to change....and nothing happened!

I finally came to realize that I am as God intended. While it would have been a lot nicer and easier to go through life with the majority of folks out there, God saw fit to put an extra sparkle or two in me....a little flick of the wrist......a little swish around the edges that makes me somewhat light in my loafers.

I'm honestly happy to be gay...it's not something I recommend for the rank and file....but still I'm happy. I love me....and I enjoy this small part of my personality.

That's my cure....self-acceptance.

I feel sorry for Rev. Ted. I fear that as life goes on and he jumps up and down saying how straight he is......one night he'll awaken and feel that same old feeling.....those same old desires.......waiting to be unleashed. But he doesn't dare do it because he will be boxed in as the poster child of change.

I'm grieved -- not only for Mr. Haggard to be able to be himself, but also grieved for all those men and women out there who think that there really is a cure for all this..... The only problem is that the cure is something they don't want to face.

It's self-acceptance....and loving who you are....as you are.