On June 16, I wrote about a new friend I had made. He’s a man who came out to me as transgendered. Right now, he’s in the very preliminary stages of becoming a woman.
Frankly, he is the first such person to have ever crossed my path. I find it tremendously fascinating.
There are those days where being a gay man who is bobbing and weaving along life’s pathway is difficult. It can be depressing…..it can be sad…..it can be frightening…..it can even be a bit overwhelming at times….but I’m learning the art of dealing with it all.
BUT, my new friend, who is very close in age to me, has spent nearly 50 years on his journey being a straight woman that is trapped in a man’s body! He was married for many years. He's the father of three children. As if all this is not enough, he has had to endure the breakup of his family, his household and his long term marriage – all in order to finally be true to himself.
It has been traumatic to all involved.
His oldest son hasn’t taken it well. The middle son and young daughter both have been very supportive.
And I thought I had issues. When compared to this, my being gay is a walk in the park!
And it continues.
He goes through periodic waxes to remove unwanted body hair.
He goes for weekly electrolysis treatments to burn away the unwanted hair permanently and still has at least a year of these treatments left to go.
He will then have hormone treatments, mood swings, etc.
Then, before the final surgery can take place, he has to live as a woman for a full year.
He told me a few weeks ago that he was planning to start this phase in August. To do this, he has to tell his boss and his subordinates all about his life changes. Then, he would live as a woman, fully.
This past Sunday he was sitting in front of me at church.
I didn’t recognize him!
At least, not until someone introduced themselves to him and he responded with his female name.
I then patted him on the shoulder and said, “Good morning, Jane!”
He beamed.
He or should I say she was very happy. It showed clearly in the way her eyes sparkled and in her beautiful smile.
I guess this is what it’s all about…living I mean. Whether you’re gay or you’re bi or you’re transgendered or you’re straight….it’s all about living happily ever after. It’s about being who you are and being content. As my mom would say, “It’s all about being comfortable in your own skin.”
So, I’m going to be keeping an eye on “Jane.” I’ll be learning from her. In return, I want to provide as much support and friendship as I possibly can.
She faces many challenges ahead.
Many people just don't understand.
1 comment:
Frank:
I had a similar experience with someone who was the first transgendered person that I had ever met. That is until I subsequently realized that someone whom I had met earlier was also transgendered. As it turned out this first gal was still married, was at the conference with her wife and actually was a far more attractive woman than her wife. Just like gay people, there are a fair number of closeted transgenderd persons so one does not necessarily know how many you know.
I think that you are correct in your assertion that transgendered persons have a tougher road than even gay people. For us the road to self actualization is coming out. For many transgendered persons the road to self actualization is first transition which usually involves a coming out process and then going into yet another closet. The thought of going back into the closet after all the emotional effort to come out would I think overwhelm me.
Rick
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