Bonding

I spent some real good quality time with my daughter, #2, from Nashville yesterday. We had a chance to talk about things that were on our minds. It was definitely a time of concentrated bonding and how I enjoyed it.

One of the things that concerned her the most was the fact that her mother came over to my house on Sunday night. Did that bother me she wondered. Did it stress me out?

To be honest, I had really thought about it when it happened….and I had thought about afterwards.

So I paused.

Really it didn’t bother me or stress me out.

As I’ve reflected on this further, it shows again, just how much I have grown in this awful process.

Seeing Lovey was okay….and the visit was pleasant. BUT, there was no reason for it not to be. Actually, the only time I’ve been a bit upset by her is because I have been stressed because I’ve not known how she was going to be on a given day or if I was going to be accused of being Satan, himself. She has a history of doing things like this.

But this visit went fine.

My daughter and I talked further.

When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, the things that really bother me is the fact that:

• Lovey is only interested in me as “Daddy Warbucks,” and the fact that I keep the money tree in full bloom.
• Lovey has shown no concern for me in this process…or even volunteered to help me with any of the expenditures related to OUR children.

I could add one more item….and the fact that she so willfully and without concern, hit me in my main source of retirement – not because she needed it (God knows that she is all set for retirement.) – but rather, because she could get it.

But then, I did make her raw inside….and that I made her life “hell.” After all, I am the fag.

#2 shook her head knowingly.

It’s amazing at the growth I see in me. It’s also exciting to know that someone like me doesn’t have to stay stymied forever and let the gay thing totally get me down and disable me.

I want 2007 to be “my” year of new beginning. I want to meet new people and do fun things.

I never thought I would reach this point….but I can honestly state, “Yes, there IS life after Lovey.”