I've Changed

Something different has happened to me.

It happened as a result of that email exchange from yesterday.

I’m no longer hurt or sad about the divorce….or pining over what might have been. It seems as if any good will that I had for Lovey and her family has evaporated. It’s as if a door has been slammed shut and I am now standing in the silence and enjoying the resulting stillness.

I guess I’m still in shock.

I just can’t believe her email.

I have worked so hard to try and get this all taken care of.

But there it is in plain black and white, I’m “taking advantage of her.” I heard all this when I gave her my edited version of her original separation agreement. I heard it when we settled on the house and I didn’t give her the proceeds of the HELOC that I had taken out in order to make some serious improvements on the house.

I shouldn’t be surprised actually because it’s so typical. She has always seemed to latch onto one part of a story and gone from there – conveniently forgetting the whole story or the part of it that doesn’t involve her in order to make her the victim.

When it has involved her and covers a discussion we have had or something that I have agreed to, it always comes back to haunt me with the phrase “You promised me…” as an opening salvo.

But this last email she sent came across so condescendingly. It made me feel a bit slimed. Some of the things she said almost came across as veiled threats. I wouldn’t have expected this from a minister.

It’s definitely not the type of communication one would send if you wanted to foster cooperation….or to maintain a friendship…..or to have an amicable divorce.

Not at all.

This has pushed me to the tipping point…. Very few people bring me to this place – maybe one or two. When the couple of people in my life have reached this place, they have never come back into my good graces. To be totally honest, I don’t know how to tell them to get back into my good graces this is so total.


This is the place where I have reached a lifetime capacity and want nothing more to do with her or her family.

When I was young, I used to think that the opposite of love is hate. But as I have gotten older, I have learned that the opposite of love really is indifference. And this is where I currently am with Lovey.

I do not wish her any ill will or good will.

I just don’t care.

One way or the other.

This is a big step and a big change.

For me.