Unashamed

During my 25 year marriage to Lovey, we spent a lot of time doing church work.

As I have said previously, I immersed myself in those activities in an attempt to keep my inner demons in check. It kept my mind occupied on “holy” pursuits and not on possible activities of the flesh. Sadly, as I did that, the mind and body rebelled a bit and I become sick with a whole array of maladies. Many of which I still have today, but I’m working to make improvements there. So, we’ll see.

In doing that church work, we were involved in a number of congregations in the Church of God denomination which is headquartered in Cleveland, TN.

If you knew me then, you would have thought I had it all together. I was successful in my secular position. I was well-known and respected within the denomination. My wife and I specialized in puppetry and held numerous children’s crusades internationally, and here in the states. We had many bookings and made many, many friends.

I also wrote a number of inspirational pieces for denominational periodicals that were distributed worldwide. I contributed substantive pieces for the denomination to use in its Sunday School literature that ended up being distributed denomination-wide. I felt I really had a bright future and at one time entertained thoughts of either full-time ministry, or denominational administrative work.

Locally, I held about every position one could do at a church:

• Chairman, Board of Deacons
• Sunday School Superintendent
• Youth Director
• Children’s Church Director
• Music Director
• Praise and Worship Leader
• Newsletter Editor
• Telephone Directory Editor
• Director of Publications

Blah! Blah! I think you get the idea.

One of these churches in particular holds special memories for me. It’s the reason I really came to the DC area to begin with in 1978. It’s where I was the most active. It’s where I had the majority of my first friends here in the area. It’s where I met my wife. It’s where I was married. It’s where the children were christened.

A very special place that I have not been back to in 11 years. You see, it was 11 years ago that Lovey decided to leave it in order to pursue her dream of ministry, which ultimately took us to the United Methodist Church.

But I still have some special friends there. My daughters have special friends there.
One of them, an elderly woman, has been wanting to see the girls for a very LONG time. She sends them cards and notes and calls me faithfully.

The girls and I have decided to visit her this Sunday and go back for a church service. It should be really quite fun.

In one of their most recent telephone conversations with the vacationing Lovey in Sunny Florida, #1 casually mentioned that we would be visiting this church on Sunday.

“Please don’t say anything about the divorce,” she directed.

“I won’t lie about anything,” #1 responded.

“I don’t want any big deal made about the divorce to those people,” replied Lovey.

“Why do you care?” #1 said, in that way she gets when she is a bit irritated. “You have no dealings with any of those people now. What does it matter what they think about it?”

I’m totally unsure of the response, but I find it all quite interesting. I mean, she told the world at the Methodist Church. She outed me repeatedly to everyone she thought or “felt led” to tell even though I kindly asked her to allow me to be the one make the decision about the first wave of disclosure.

But she didn’t. Much like the Frank Sinatra song, she did it “her way.”

At this little Church of God I plan to attend on Sunday, I will hold my head up high and speak of my divorce if asked.

Who cares that I’m divorced and that Lovey is off pastoring churches for a competing denomination?

I’m not ashamed of my divorce any more.

I’m not even ashamed of being who I am – a gay middle-aged man.