Something Goofy

I am a 48 year old man.

I should know better.

Saturday I went with #1 to have her hair cut before she runs off to El Salvador and decided to get my hair cut too. While I was in the chair, the operator ( a Vietnamese native named Mason, with a spiked 'do and blonde highlights he did himself) told me, "You really need to do something about your gray. Makes you look old."

I said, "You know, I've thought about doing something like that, but I don't want it to look artificial. I want it to look natural. Not too dark...a sandy or ash blonde would work best for me."

Mason said. "I fix!"

So he disappeared into his back room and brought back a chart with dyed hair samples. I saw the exact one I wanted. I pointed to it.

"OK," he said as he vanished into his backroom again.

Five minutes later he reappeared with a paint brush and a goopy mixture in a bowl that looked like tapioca.

He began painting my hair, meticulously.

So there I sat, his captive.

About 45 minutes, a hair rinse and trim later, the grand unveiling.

Oh no! Somewhere my ash blond had turned into a deep, dark auburn.

"What happened to the ash blonde?" I asked Mason.

"No worry, sometimes the color does funny things on gray hair. Go home and wash, it will lighten two shades!"

#1 laughed when she saw it.

My esteem plummeted.

"Well, you do look younger," she said.

Great!

My new hair color has now made me look like Ed Norton in "The Illusionist." Did I mention that Mason did my beard? It's ash blonde too!

I came to work today. I have literally stopped traffic as I walk passed people I know. As I appear, conversations stop, a few snickers erupt. Everywhere I go I hear glimmers of discussion that feature the words, "dye," "hair," "rinse," "strip," "grow out."

It's a good thing that I'm secure in who I am. Gosh, being gay is a walk in the park compared to this!

So, to all the people watching this, they think my divorce has triggered a mid-life crisis. They wonder if a red convertible is far behind.

If they only knew. I'm the same old Frank the fag--dealing with my life and my issues in the same old boring and dull way. Only this time, I'm doing all this as an ash blonde.

After all, it is said that blondes have more fun!