A Sense of Completeness and Wellbeing

I had lunch today with a group of about 12 gay married guys. Actually, I was one of two divorced men in attendance.

It’s a bit amazing for me to share this with you, but here goes anyway.

I’ve had a hard time with being friends with other men…all my life. I think this is because of the gay thing…and the fact that I felt that I had to erect very thick….and very tall walls to keep myself protected from anyone knowing….or learning about the real Frank.

As a result of this, I grew to be painfully shy and subdued.

In looking back over things, I think I used my marriage to hide from healthy male friendships. Oh, I’d wear myself out looking for furtive, physical encounters. But to develop friendships?

Oh my!

Never!

Let’s fast forward to the new old Frank, circa spring 2008.

I’ve virtually blossomed into quite a neat human being. I am actually pleased with how I’m turning out. And the gay thing? Well, I’m learning to embrace it more and more….and to just relax and let it be a part of me.

Somehow I don’t feel like I have to beat my chest and jump up and down and tell the world about my sexual proclivities.

But, when I’m in a group of other gay men….it’s kind of hard to describe. I feel a very strong bond with them. I feel an intimacy that I can’t fully describe.

I also have a genuine affection for them. No, it’s not the kind of thing where you get free feels…..or you have a strong lust.

It’s just a genuine love for them that strikes at your very core.

And when you leave their presence, well there is just a very soft and squishy feeling in your heart that is left behind……and you can’t wait to be with them again.

There’s an overflow of affection you want to share with them. A kiss on the cheek does very nicely…..and a warm bear hug works wonders.

Or…in the case of one of them, they put a hand on my shoulder and let it sit there for a long while until lunch arrived.

It was all so very wonderful….most of all it was great to feel that kind of love and intense affection in return.

I only wish I had known about all this before now.

What a feeling of completeness!