Simple Amusement!

All is still.

The dog is fast asleep at the foot of my bed.

It's raining outside. An occasional car passes and I hear that whish of water on the roadway.

My comforter is wrapped all around me as I write this entry.

I'm learning how to make myself content with just me (and with the dog of course!). I've washed laundry.....and folded it. I went to breakfast mid-morning and took myself to a nice dinner this evening. I've curled up on the couch with my dog.

In the midst of it all -- the emails came.

Lovey strikes again!

I'm somewhat amused by her latest notes. For instance, in one of them she thanks me for the alimony. It's the first thank you note I've received from her in over a year of alimony! Gee I must be dreaming.

Another note she speaks of my 50th Birthday party.....and it comes across as if she's already an invited and accepted guest! (Her mother does this too...and assumes she'll be assisting with party set up -- invitations have not been sent out.....and I haven't decided whether I'm inviting tem!

So here I sit....late at night contemplating all of this.

It actually gives me a chuckle.

Especially when I think back on last year. My 49th birthday was just as important to me. Perhaps it was even more important to me because with the exception of my parents, I was totally alone. It was the first time I had ever had a birthday when I didn't have at least one child with me.

I remember the pain....the gloom.....and all the doom that I felt. It hurt.

It hurt BAD.

I was also going through the stage of feeling alone...and not quite knowing what to do with myself. My mom and dad were concerned about me. Heck, I was concerned about me too.

Lovey and her mom and all her sisters ignored my birthday last year.

So, I guess now you can see why I am so amused when this year they have practically invited themselves to the party I'm throwing myself.

I'm not bitter.

The word is amused. I just never thought I'd feel this way about them.

I guess this is just one more sign of how much growth I have experienced....and just how far I have come on this journey of mine.

A number of my buddies out there in cyberland have just begun the sad process of going through divorces after longterm marriages. They've written me about how they feel numb at times.....and how they feel lost in a fog. They even liken their worlds now as being like living on a nonstop roller coaster....

Hmmmmmmm.....it all sounds so very familiar.

I just tell them to explore OUT OF THE ASHES......and they can see what it has been like for one guy.

But the neat thing about it is that those bad times do pass.

Your life does improve.

You just need to hold on....and to love yourself unconditionally.

Better days lie ahead.