Blasts from My Past

As I have said repeatedly throughout this blog, I am a person of faith. I dare say that I probably would not still be here writing in my little section of cyberspace had it not been for my faith and the loving support of special people in my life.

This weekend has had me all over the map emotionally--speaking.

I've felt a little strange emotionally. Not sure what that is all about. But nonetheless, I've been dealing with it.

My daughter #2 went back to Nashville TN on Saturday. She had been here since December 18, and I was spoiled by having her and her sister around. It was a lot like old times. Ah...readers...it nearly ripped my heart from my chest when I had to take her to the airport and watch her leave.

Then, in three more weeks, #1, (#2's Twin) will be leaving to join the Peace Corps in El Salvador. When I think about that, I tear up....and I just want to die inside. There are so many things that can happen to a single young girl in that land. I'm worried sick.

On top of all this, I've enjoyed having her to banter with....to spend some time with...to talk to....to just have her in the house. But in three more weeks, it will just be me and the family dog. I am soooooo sad. I will not see her for 27 months.

A whole lot of things...good and bad can happen in 27 months.

In my time of utmost sadness and tears.....the strange things began happening:

After I had cried all the way home from the airport on Saturdya, a friend from Atlanta who has just moved into the area invited me to his home. Although it was a good hour trip one way to his house, I decided to go. It was one of those things I had promised myself I would do at the beginning fo the year to get out of my comfort zone and to expand my network of friends. (Besides, 2 was out doing her own thing.) It was fun.

Then, yesterday morning is when I met the gentleman with HIV. Although he has suffered much adversity, his story was one of great courage and resolve. It was an encouragement to hear him speak.

Then, yesterday afternoon, one of my church friends dropped by and spent over 4 hours with me. She talked to me about everything. This is someone who I felt estranged from because through all this emotional upheaval of separation and heading for divorce, I've not heard one word from her.

She knew she hadn't kept in touch when she was needed.

She felt guilty.

She wanted to clear the air and renew the bond.

It was great.

This morning, out of the blue, I received a telephone call from one of Lovey's former ministry buddies....a fellow woman minister. This woman and Lovey were quite close many, many years ago. But Lovey isn't good about maintaining women friends for a long, long time. Especially, if they are credentialed ministers. A competition develops. The friendship flounders and dissolves.

Twenty years ago, I got to know this woman. She has training as a nurse and saved my life in the summer of 1983. (That's a story for another entry.)

What made her call me? She had received my Christmas Card and and that "harsh" and "cold" "infamous" Christmas letter I shared with all of you in an earlier post. She just wanted to call me and to say hi and to say that she still loved me. She felt she had to contact me to say those things and to also say that I was in her and her husband's prayers.

In order to minister to me for a bit, she told me about her own divorce many years ago and what it felt like when her husband divorced her after nearly 25 years of marriage and two children. How it drove her to the depths of dispair and made her question her faith.

She then offered some wonderful spiritual comfort and words of wisdom. She told me that this was my time to discover me and to learn who the real Frank was. It's now time for me to take special time out for me. "It won't always be easy," she said. "But you'll find that you're a better man because of it. You are a kind, gentle and loving man."

"One day," she continued. "When all of this is over, God will bring a special person into your life. You know what I mean?" (Lovey outted me to her a number of years ago...and we've never spoken about it.....but I know what she was saying here.)

Based on her knowledge and history of Lovey, I asked gently about Lovey's behavior when she was younger. Was she always difficult to deal with.....cold....calculating......grating?

I needed to know if all that I have experienced with Lovey is new....or had it been there all along and I had been too stupid to see it.

The woman minister paused.....and spoke from her heart. She told me some things I never knew. They all confirmed one thing: I AM NOT CRAZY. I was dumbstruck.

This lady minister and her husband want me to come visit them in Southwest Virginia and spend a weekend. I believe I will. It will be a great time of retreat, rest and spiritual renewal.

THEN....tonight I received a call from a gay friend who works in the White House. (Yes, we are everywhere.) It has been several weeks since we have spoken....and he wanted me to know that I was being thought about. He wants to catch up...and he has invited me to his beach house to spend a weekend with him....to relax.....and to use it as a retreat.

I'm beginning to see an overall theme here: Frank is going to need some down time. Some time to think. Some time to renew spiritually. Especially when his last child leaves the nest.

Although I'm amazed by everyone's timing, I beieve that the Lord is guiding all this. In my simple mind, it's not coincidence. It came at a moment when I was feeling very sad....and very alone.

But someone is keeping watch over me.

Even when I am not paying attention.