Monday, November 22, 2010

New Places

Well, I have definitely arrived at a new place on my journey. Mom is gone...and now I am the primary caregive for my dad who will be 78 on January 13.

Nothing has prepared me for this role.

I find myself tearing up at the stupidest times. For instance, I was at a restaurant just now getting a quick breakfast, and wouldn't you know, they were playing Christmas carols. It's the first Christmas carols of the 2010 season. I felt this cloak of coldness and sadness envelop me like I have never experienced. Gosh, even as I write this I find myself having to brush away tears.

Dealing with all of my dad's care issues, I've not had the time to fully focus on the grieving process for mom. Coupled with the fact that I don't have that much time with dad left....I'm bobbing and weaving through life....and feeling a bit wiped out by it all.

In the midst of all this, Lovey's Aunt died tragically on November 6. Her memorial service is today. She suffered from Alzheimers but never forgot who I was. She always told me I was good looking and loved hugging me because I felt so good. She fell down a flight of stairs a Mom O'Lovey's and it really did a tremendous damage to her body. The Alzheimers made her immune to the pain...and she was just a southern lady until the very end.

So, I feel like I am living a nightmare.....two close relatives....dead in as many weeks.

I feel as though the tide of grief is gonna sweep me away...