Some of you have been quite critical of me lately. I've received some mild "nasty grams" concerning my whining about my lack of love....some of you have made me feel like a piece of pond scum because of my descriptions of attending sex parties, and then I've been criticized for "deceiving my wife" about my gayness....and then trying to have my "cake and eating it too." The list goes on and on and on.
So, as I have said from the outset of this blog, its purpose is not to make me look good. It's not to airbrush me into some unrecognizable giant of perfection. I try to be honest here...and sometimes it ain't pretty.
This blog has also taught me that I can't make everyone happy....and its' purpose is not to do that. It's just the story of my journey. Take it or leave it. I'm a big boy and will cope somehow if you choose to leave.
And Now For Some Really Good News...
On August 22, I met a guy. His name is Steven. When I met him, I just assumed it was just one of those meetings where everyone is pleasant and kind.... He asked for my telephone number and I gave it to him.
God knows I have done that a few times! All to no avail.
So, all this is translated into the feeling that it was good while it lasted....but he's never gonna call or text.
We met up on Labor Day Weekend and spent a hunk of time together. I took him to dinner. Then things kind of took a different turn. He became a bit vulnerable and told me of some of his hurts and failures. He shared with me his hopes and dreams.
Something clicked somewhere deep inside me.
Now remember, I'm jaded. I've been around the block several hundred times. I'm the pond scum that goes to the sex parties. I've been vilified for having a profile on MATCH.COM. Told I was too old for Grindr, Growlr, Scruff, and MRX. I've whined and cried about how lonely I am....and how much I want someone to love.
And sitting across from me is the beautiful hunk of man....being all vulnerable and explaining that he's afraid to let his guard down.
Boy, I can relate to that one.
Dinner lasted for quite some time. I hung on every word.
By the end of the evening I was smitten. AND...apparently there were some stirrings deep with in him as well.
After that evening, there has been daily contact. Calls, texts, emails.
On Friday evening, he wrote such a beautiful email to me, that it brought tears to my eyes. It was just that profound. Several emails that evening. Then a final text.
"Hey, would you go with me hiking this weekend?"
"Yes, of course!" I said.
So plans were made. I met him at the appointed spot at 9am on Sunday morning. There he was. Nice t-shirt...exhibiting his wonderful chest. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. He approached me. He's a bit taller than me....and he wrapped his big arms around me....drew me to that wonderful chest....then lifted my chin up to look into his eyes....and he put me in a tight, passionate lip lock....right there in the parking lot...in front of God, the deer, the squirrels, and everybody else.
We commenced our hike. He held my hand. Every so often he would stop, turn to me and wrap me in those massive hugs.....and another massive lip lock.
Finally we found a quiet spot....by a small lake.... A nice bench. We cuddled up close. Held hands.... Like going through the many layers of an onion, he began to reveal himself. I did the same....and we sat there basking in the wonder of it all for a solid hour. We shared a kiss or two....holding hands.....arm around each other in a tender embrace.
There were no blow jobs in the weeds. No humping in the forest.
Just two men walking together side by side and expressing deep simple affection. Getting to know each other on a very intimate level.
It's one thing to have fireworks in the sack....but for me, the true gauge of a relationship or a potential relationship is what happens when you're not in bed.
In this case, it was the world series...and the home team scored nothing but home runs.
After we parted some 4 miles later....and we'd both gotten home, he wrote me.... He referred to me as his boyfriend.
"Did you really mean to say that?" (This was because he said that he wanted to move slow...) He wrote back, "I did. And I meant it, so there!"
This was music to my ears.