Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Still Standing

So having ridden quite a roller coaster during the previous 12 months, I am happy to report that I am alive and well -- even though I've experienced joys of the mountain top experience of love, and now I'm smack dab in the middle of the valley of what could be sadness and despair at having lost him.

I spent this entire week focused on my duties as a dad in Nashville TN, overseeing all the odds and ends of wedding preparation for my youngest daughter and writing the checks that needed to be written, since I'm the Father of the Bride.

While there, my phone continually vibrated with interested men in the area who wrote me via the various phone apps that I have on my phone to meet other gay men. Although a part of me really wanted to connect with someone....and have a time where I could feel wanted for a few moments, I didn't act on it. I did have some great conversations with some really nice guys who all said they wished I lived there. They all said that they are looking for the same things I'm looking for and that I appeared to fit the bill. At least that is what they said. But we all know how that goes. Online, one can become overpowered with hormonal lust and you're liable to say anything in order to crawl into bed and do the deed.

After Stan, I've sadly grown cynical. I don't trust anything that is said to me in such moments. All I can say is that based on the positive feedback I received, apparently I'm not ready for the rest home just yet.

So now I'm trying to decide what I'm going to do. Am I going to continue looking for a mate...or should I just hang it all up and take advantage of a mindless, meaningless, mechanical hook up when needs warrant it? Right now I am just focusing on my grandson, who returns to his mommy this weekend. I'm going to be staying at Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg Thursday and Friday nights. Then head to Roanoke Rapids, NC on Saturday to drop off the little guy.

Then it is back home to get ready for church on Sunday and work on Monday.

And Summer is almost over....

Monday, August 08, 2016

What a Week

I spent the week in Nashville, TN preparing for the marriage of my baby girl this past Saturday. It was quite an affair at an estate in Brentwood. I had my checkbook and took care of the bills. Now it's just a memory...but the wonderful memories we made! WOW!

As a single gay man, I got a bit melancholy during the ceremony and the reception. Not only was I an emotional wreck because of giving my daughter away....but, I had planned to have Stan with me during all the festivities. It was going to be my "coming out" so to speak...because I would be with the man I loved -- we would be very low key, yet make a statement. You know?

I thought of the millions of things we could have been doing to prepare for my daughter's day. Playing with the grandson in the Nashville....etc...etc...

But in typical Frank just didn't happen.

Monday, August 01, 2016

Operation Catchup

Sorry to paint my life as such a bleak and dark mess based on the break up with Stan. Although at the time of my February Post he had dumped me. He had begged me to take him back....and after a period of weighing all things and despite his assurances that he would never do that to many again...including dumping me via text -- he did.

Probably the worst part of this is not only the emotional hurt, but it was also the circumstances surrounding it. Who meets up with someone on a phone app...barely knows them....and MARRIES them? Stan did. So, I wish him well....and I'm sick about feeling so crappy about it. I think more than anything, I'm dealing with hurt pride. I mean I was finally flying high with this guy....and wham....

Here I am.


So there are some other things to update you all on. Mom O'Lovey passed away on March 27 -- Easter, her favorite holiday. She battled her lung cancer valiantly and final succumbed. It was painful to watch her deteriorate...and more importantly, it was even worse to say goodbye to her. She was the glue that held the O'Lovey's together.

Her house is now for sale...and under contract. Lots of drama about the sale of that house....won't go into it here...but hopefully in the next month or so, the property will pass into other hands. Whenever I leave my house...if I drive into DC, I pass by her house and it just feels so sad to know that Grandma is no longer there. If I need to go into Annandale or Fairfax or something, I pass by her grave. It's awful to know that her remains are there.

I just can't seem to get away from my grief.

In the early days of this blog, I was so resentful of that family....and hurt...because I felt so left out. I had so much anger and bitterness with Lovey...I could barely see straight. But as time has healed the wounds, and I have recovered from that awful period....Mom O'Lovey remained faithful and steadfast in her love and support of me. In fact, she said one time to me, "Well just because my daughter was silly enough to divorce you, it does not mean the rest of us have to divorce you too! I still consider you as a part of my family...and for however long I am here, you're in the family!"

And I was.

Tomorrow I fly to Music City USA, Nashville, TN. You see my youngest twin daughter is getting married on Saturday. I've blown what feels like a fortune on it. We're having 130 some guests. It's going to be at a mansion in Tammy Wynette's neighborhood. I've secured the services of a videographer who will use drones to do flyovers, weather permitting.

I'll be there with Lovey, all my children, my grandson, and all of Lovey's sisters....and the newest members of y family, the groom's family. They've been told that I'm gay....and from what I hear, they are fascinated with me. I've been ordered to keep the rainbow colored moo-moo at home. LOL.

How I'd hoped to share the day with a man who I thought was my long awaited beloved. But, alas, I'll be alone.

So I fly out tomorrow and will enjoy myself and use it as a moment to being all over...and put Stan to rest.