Wedding Plans

My fate was sealed on September 27, 1981. That’s the day that I got up the nerve to propose marriage to this woman that I had come to love.

I had known “Lovey” since late summer 1979 to be exact. Puppetry had been my love and I spent a lot of my time doing this for the children’s ministry of my local church. She had seen some of my work and had come across a great puppet she believed would be a perfect addition to my collection. That summer evening, she introduced me to the new puppet over a glass of iced-tea on her parent’s porch.

As we sat there making small talk, her elderly grandmother – a bit stoop shouldered – came creeping onto the deck and joined us.

“Is this your new feller?” she asked with a wicked smile.

“No Grandma,” Lovey responded. “He’s just a church friend that I have given this puppet to.”

“Oh,” Grandma said sounding quite disappointed.

Time passed and in the early part of 1980, “Lovey” began attending my church regularly. We spent time together going out to dinner and doing things that friends normally do. By February 1981, it was apparent that things were becoming a bit more serious on her side of the relationship.

I was concerned because I didn’t feel sexually attracted to her or to any woman for that matter.

Even then I knew.

Being a part of a fundamentalist denomination, one doesn’t talk about being gay….or thinking you’re gay.

You try to repress.

You try to change.

You have people anoint you with oil, pray for you, but never tell them why.

You have demons cast out of you.

You bargain with God.

Then you cry – a lot.

But you never tell people why.

September 27, 1981 came and I knew I must marry this woman. It was the right thing to do. She would help me to become the man that God wanted me to be.

On the playground, next door to our church, in adjoining swings, I asked her to be my wife. She said yes!

It only took a few moments. Then it was finished.

Phone calls to siblings followed. Her baby sister had become engaged the very same day! We then paid a visit to her parents. They were underwhelmed. I guess they didn’t see me as the best “catch” for their eldest daughter.

The flurry began. Wedding dress purchased. Color schemes selected. Reception planned. Musicians hired. Tuxedos rented. Minister selected. Church reserved. Guests invited.

…and one petrified gay groom-to-be.