Tuesday, May 23, 2017

And So It Goes...

So here I am...nearly two weeks after Chris' departure. I think I'm moving through this experience as well as can be expected...but I still face some unexpected speed bumps that hurt.

Upon his departure, I established a new account on SCRUFF...and I posted an ad on Craigs List. He had been in my life for four months...and I had not been on any of those sites the whole time. But in his way, Chris gave me a lecture about how I must not have loved him as much as I said I did because I did this. Ouch. That hurt. He didn't get it. On top of this, he never deleted his SCRUFF profile the whole time.

I've been on several dates with wonderful men...but I've played it low key. Nothing to write home about. No relationships begun. No glimmers of romances to come. Just time fillers. Experiences to be had.

And then there is the beach next week.... which I dread.

Originally I scheduled this as a time for just Chris and me to be together. I paid for it. It's nonrefundable. It felt like a cold slap in the face when he said that he had made other plans. So I guess I'm not friend material either? The condo I had rented is a two bedroom two bath one...and he could have had his own room. But I suppose I'm chopped liver. Not worth being near....not worth spending time with in any capacity.

So, today I am trying to navigate this new normal...allowing the hurts to heal. To mourn the profound loss and wonder what happened....and to mourn what could have been.

And so it goes...


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