Sunday, January 02, 2011

A New Year Has Begun...

I cannot believe that 2010 is finally over. It was what I consider to be a very hellish year. I'm glad that 2011 can begin. I suppose I am looking for the new year to be my NEW BEGINNING.

Where do I begin to catch you up on all the things that have been going on in my life? First, my dad has officially moved in with me. It presents all new stresses and anxiety for me. My daughter, who also lives with me, is showing a side of herself that I'm not really pleased with. She is like Lovey Jr. This is perhaps due to the fact that Lovey seems to exert so much influence over her. I don't like it. But, Lovey is the mother...and I can't keep her away from her mom.

Lovey Jr. even talked this evening about buying a house and moving out. That was a surprise....and I was swallowed up with pride...and not feeling like such a good dad. You know, I spent a lot of time trying to make my house pleasing for her to live in, and apparently it isn't good enough.

Oh well.

We eeked through the Christmas holiday. On the morning of Christmas Eve, I felt really bad for myself. I found myself second guessing decisions I was forced to make for my mom while she was in the hospital...and to be honest I was haunted by them. Did I cause mom to die? Did I kill her? My daughter from Nashville sensed the anguish I was feeling and she told me to stop having a pity party. She said, "Dad, I was there with you as you made those decisions....and you made all the right ones. Why don't you focus on the blessings you have this holiday season....namely, two of your kids, your dad....and all the stuff you have."

It helped me a lot.

Then I also had a ton of guests in for Christmas. I had the assistant pastor of where Lovey Jr. goes to church. Lovey's mom and sister came by. A photographer friend came by....and then finally, LOVEY herself showed up.

It was old home week.

I just don't know what to think about it all.

The photographer then showed up on New Year's Day with a framed and matted print of a picture he took of me with my Dad. I have hung it in my dining room. It's wonderful to see.

New Years has been quiet. I didn't feel like throwing my holiday hooptido. Perhaps next year.

Spiritually I feel adrift....I don't want to go to church...I don't even want to be with friends....I am just very down.

I miss mom...it just still hurts. The pain is excruciating.

On top of all that, I have had a few nibbles on the dating front....but the men did as they normally do....they flake off.

That was a downer.

So, as you can see. I am still here...but still adrift....and down. No raises at my job thanks to President Obama.

Let the frustration....gloom and doom begin!

2 Comments:

Blogger Jazzie Casas said...

Hi there I am one of many single fathers and I find your blog very interesting. I hope I have much time each day to drop by and check your site for recent post. By the way thank you for sharing this.

12:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Frank,
It's good to see you back on line - perhaps a step towards reconnecting with your community. Have you been back to your Bible study - that might be a source of friendship and comfort. Wish I didn't live on the other coast, I'd be glad to chat over coffee. Hang in there. Bill in CA

4:03 PM  

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