I have been keeping this blog for eight years now. It's amazing that I am closing in on 1,000 articles here. Over that time I have taken some long periods away while I grappled with a number of different issues that I just did not have the energy to sit and to write about. But the neat thing is that during these past 8 years I have done quite a bit of growing. Looking back at some of my earlier posts, I can see just how juvenile some of those postings were. I appreciate those of you who have stood by me as I have evolved. I've appreciated the kind words of encouragement. I've also been touched by some of the stories that you have shared with me about your own journeys.
My growth has shown itself in a number of different ways. Most notably, I realize that I truly like me. I like the gay man I have become. I'm more settled. I'm not focused on acquiring a mate as I had been. The sex drive is more under control. It feels like things are evening out for me…in all facets.
One of the things that triggered this is a wedding that I attended back in late August. The bride and groom had known each other for 3 years….had lived together for two years. They decided to make it legal.
As I watched them exchange rings…and I observed just how happy they were at the reception, something about it all rang a bit hollow. It didn't feel right. It felt empty. I tried to shake it off. But the feeling stayed with me. During these past 6 months I've checked in with them from time to time.
Well, as of this writing, they are separated. A divorce is going to happen. The groom has already found another woman. The bride, my relative, is heartbroken. But she feels they have such strong issues, a reconciliation is next to impossible.
I believe that it is best to not marry at all and be alone than to align yourself with the wrong person. In their case, I've heard rumblings of violence, alcoholism, verbal abuse, etc. So, for me, I'm so glad that I have me. That my life is full with good friends, a wonderful family. A grand child. Lots of other good things.
So it is just great to not have to worry about a bad relationship….or as Lady Gaga puts it, "A Bad Romance."
Not long ago I discussed the whole idea of relationships with a gay minister. It is his belief that when a straight couple is having troubles, they decide to have a child. In their mind this helps to cement the relationship together. But in all actuality, it does not help the relationship. It adds additional stress. A breakup finally happens.
He said that in gay couples, when there are problems, they decide to get married. Make it legal. But if they were miserable before they got married, the actual marriage just compounds the problem.
I know many committed couples who are in such relationships. They have been committed for decades. But for one reason or another, they have lost the love they once had. They decide to get married. Now many of these relationships are going down the hurtful path of divorce.
Being gay is hard enough. But being gay and involved in a loveless relationship -- even to the extent of getting married, is just unfathomable.
Yup I am a single gay man. Or I should say I am a happy, single gay man. Oh, I'm not giving up on finding love one day. But it's better to wander around a little bit lonely now and then than to be saddled with a train wreck of a relationship.
I'm blessed.
No comments:
Post a Comment