Sunday, April 06, 2014

Let It Go

The life of this gay man is quite boring…

Lots of people tend to think that gay folks have an exciting life -- generally centering on wild sexual escapades. But as I have made it to this side of the journey, I'm finding that my life is kind of dull. There's nothing swinging from my chandeliers other than perhaps some wayward particle of dust or a misguided cob web perhaps.

Yup, I've grown up quite a bit since my separation and divorce. The pain of that trauma is gone. I've worked to let my hurts and feelings go.

I have now begun to focus on my spirit. You see, in a lot of ways I let my spiritual life go during the trauma days. Oh, I acknowledged God's presence in my life. I could never have survived without that strong presence being there. When I look back, over the course of a few very short years I experienced the break up and dissolution of my long-term marriage. I had a long term relationship with another gay married man -- it also dissolved. I watched cancer over take my mother and then take my father. I worked to get their estates settled. I've seen Mom O'Lovey wage her valiant battle with lung cancer. I've lost a very dear subordinate employee to cancer. I lost my beloved dog to cancer.

On and on it goes…

But in spite of it all, God saw me through. I've chosen to release the pain…the hurt….the scares….the sorrow….to let it all go.

So about a year ago, I came to the realization that it was time for me to give back. To become a better blessing of my financial means, men talents and my time to my church. I was heavily involved in the pastoral search process. I was elected to the church board of directors. Now I'm trying to figure out ways to be a greater blessing to my church, and to those people who come from a similar background to what I am from -- struggling with their sexuality…looking for acceptance….unconditional love….and even affirmation.

Yesterday I went to a a regional church eating. There were over 70 people there from a host of churches in the region….and I walked out with a host of new friends that I had never known. I learned of their struggles…and I learned what brought them to my denomination (MCC). They each had stories very similar to mine. But through MCC have found a place in which they feel safe….a part….and they too have decided to give back.

Here we all are….we've survived and continue to march forward.

A song that I only became familiar with recently sums it up beautifully. It's the song that won the Oscar this year entitled simply, "Let it Go."



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