Wednesday, July 27, 2016

UPDATE

Again, another lengthy period of time since my last post. This morning I received a wonderful letter from a person who just found my blog and said that a number of my posts resonated with him since he is going through a messy divorce and dealing with similar issued I went through back in the early days of this blog. So, that made me realize that it has been forever since I last wrote to you.

You deserve an update. So hear it is. Since it would take forever to write down every detail, here is the condensed version.

My last entry was about a painful breakup with my boyfriend of three months. It was painful...but he came back to me and begged me to take him back. After a couple of weeks, I told him I would take him back, but that if anything like this happened again, it would be over totally. So we began again....and it was awesome....it was wonderful...and I was thinking this guy is the one.

We spent my birthday weekend together. Simply awesome. He spent PRIDE weekend with me and helped me to man my church's booth at Capital Pride. He was excited and happy to be there with me....and again it was awesome. He flew home on June 13. All seemed fine. I later learned from him that he hooked up with someone from one of those silly phone apps...and the guy pursued him. My guy developed "feelings" for this man...and they got married on June 24!

Yes, married.

To each other!

And Frank was literally kicked to the curb. So he then called to say he was not happy. He had made a mistake, etc. I told him to work it out with his new husband. That I was not going to be the "other woman." I was not his consolation prize....his plan B. I am no homewrecker.

I advised therapy -- so had other friends of his.

So they have now been married just over a month. I'm still devastated. I really don't know what to do. I'm dealing with a new generation of ghosts that have me stalled in my hopes of ever finding a man to love me. I'm haunted by trust issues... In the back of my mind, I wonder what his new husband has after one day....that I didn't have for seven months?

I have cried and cried and CRIED.

I am embarrassed. I had introduced him to several of my friends. After all this time...I finally thought I had stumbled upon the ONE.

Once again....

FIZZLE.

I review my inventory. I'm not a bad looking man. I'm older - 58....but far from dead. I'm successful. I have tons of friends and tons of interests. I'm intelligent. I'm articulate. Im a bit old fashioned in that I want to be in a monogamous relationship...however...with my history....I'm not sure how I really feel about this. After all, since I have had the experiences I've had...I've not had much experience in having a "closed" relationship. But honestly, for the right man, I'm willing to give it a try...because deep down, when I find the right man, I don't want to do anything to water down the specialness of that relationship in any way.

I want someone to grow older with. I want someone to spoil. Someone to spend time with. Someone to make love to regularly. (I'm tired of the mechanical sex without feelings. Apparently I don't lack in that area. I reactivated my dating apps...updated my profile pic....and WHAM...I've heard from over 100 men worldwide vying for my attention and affection -- from one app alone.)

I'm shell shocked. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm crushed beyond words.

So, bottom line is that yours truly is now back on the market. I am hoping to meet one special man.

Where is he?

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