Triggers

Triggers...

I keep searching for the triggers that lead me into the blackness of sadness....of depression.

For the life of me, I can't figure it out.

Somehow today though, I was able to avert the storm that seemed to be hovering off shore... I heard the rumblings and saw the thunderheads....but the storm just never seemed to be able to move in...with full fury.

I've had a wonderful quiet day. I worked with #1 to build some shelves in her bedroom closets. We had quite a time. It was good.

I also did quite a bit of reading today. I read the McGreevy book....I also got caught up on my emails....that had been languishing in my various accounts.

I was taken by one email entry to a group of guys that I belong to that discussed how the person slept always the farthest from the bedroom door -- regardless of how the bedroom furniture was configured -- or even who the partner was at the time. It sort of made me think about my own sleeping arrangements.

Ever since the split, I've slept on "my side" which was always near the windows...away from the door...close to the telephone. I read once that you know you're over your grief when you sleep in the middle of your bed. Somehow I'm just not there yet.

I find myself having nightmares... I'm skittish about sleeping alone. For God's sake I'm almost 50 years old... A few months ago, I was almost frightened of being alone. I finally determined that this was crazy. I'm an adult man. I have my dog. I have my house. What's to be afraid of?

Still, Im learning how to sleep......alone. For years I did it.....and now it should be a piece of cake.

Yes....so much to work through....