Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Discussion with a Friend

I have a very good friend who is married to a woman and struggling with being gay. Sound familiar?

He is younger than me and lives in another state.

His wife found out about a year or so ago...and it has not been pretty. He really is struggling with things.

He travels much for his job. The type of men that float his boat are those who I identify as the exotic asian types. It strikes me that this is his ideal...yet, when he hooks up with one of those in another city, they treat him clinically. He has shared some emails with one guy in particular...and for all the feelings my friend had for this man -- well I was a bit taken aback by the tone of the email. It actually verged on the cusp of being cold. This was after my friend had spent several nights with him exchanging intimacy.

So my friend and I have been commiserating. I, with my Alex experience and he with his experience.

In the realm of the gay world, there probably isn't a man alive that doesn't have some type of a "perfect fantasy" guy in their head. Mine was always the muscular, massive chest, military type. But as I have journeyed towards acceptance of myself as a gay man, I realized that my fantasy and what actually was available did not always match up.

I had to make some concessions.

I also had to learn to accept myself and enjoy the man I have turned out to be. This self-acceptance and love for myself has gone such a long way in improving my self-esteem. I see it in my self-confidence. I even see it in my appearance and in photographs of myself. Other people notice it too!

I worry about my friend. He is at the stage where he appears to be fixated on his "type".

But someone who really cares may be under his nose and he just not see the forest for the trees.

I try to practice what I preach.

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