Monday, November 12, 2012

Gay Male Dating Strangeness

At the men's retreat I recently attended, I was somewhat pleased with myself. I was actually dating a guy that I had met about two weeks before. We hit it off. We were enjoying our time together. We went to movies…..went to dinner…..went to lunch….had dates…. We were always in touch! He chose not to attend with me.....

BUT

The weekend of the retreat I was tremendously disturbed at his behavior….he grew silent….almost sullen. I could not reach him during my time at the hotel. Then when I returned home…and was able to talk to him again…..everything seemed ok. But the feeling nagged me. He was not pleased that I had friends….and that I was spending time that weekend with a whole nest of gay men.

I suppose he thought it was just one massive orgy.

We got that all straightened out. He seemed ok

Then last weekend, I went off to a Church Retreat with 25 other gay people….mostly women. We spoke via apple FACETIME…..and it just went down hill. He got really almost hateful….and controlling…..

It was clear that he did not really like that I have friends.

So I was forced to choose between this very special man….that I thought was "the one"….or my dear friends — the people in my life that are closer than family. In fact, I consider them to be my family. They have loved me for years…..they have encouraged me through my times of questioning….through my separation and awful divorce…..and the devastating illnesses of my parents and their subsequent deaths.

One week ago today he sent me an email to say I was disinvited from spending several days at his beach home last week. So, I responded, "You're right. I don't think I need to be there this week."

Nothing more.

My friends won out.

I spent 25.5 years in a controlling environment. Not going there again.

Just a bit wistful tonight and thought I'd share

3 Comments:

Blogger Paul said...

Frank,

You clearly did the right thing. It is easy for us co-dependent guys to get into another such relationship.

Who knows what problem your special guy had that made him so controlling but you don't need that anymore.

There has to be a guy for you out there - don't give up!

9:22 PM  
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