Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Harshness

Well, I have now returned from my wonderful weekend in Nashville. Of course, the main highlight for me was to get to spend some quality time with all of my children. They all appear to be doing quite well in all that they have chosen to do with their lives. I applaud each of them for their many talents and abilities.

I now have both girls at my house. When we arrived from the airport last night, #2 finally got to see the house in its relative final form. #1 had been working fiendishly to put the finishing touches here and there...but the final product was simply OUTSTANDING.

The girls, who adore each other, sat up way into the evening playing Yahtzee. Laughter drifted throughout my house as I faded into sleep, in order to get to work on time today.

One of the first things that #1 said to me this morning is that Mom O'Lovey...or as we refer to her "Grandma"....was not pleased with my holiday letter. She said that she thought my references to LOVEY was "harsh."

When I heard all this, I was frosted.

BUT...I took several deep breaths and started to analyze my feelings:

Why did I get frosted?

What does it matter what Lovey's Mother thinks about my letter?

I then quizzed #1 a bit more. She told me that Grandma says that Lovey told her that I didn't want the furniture...that I would have gotten rid of it anyway...had she not taken it.

I responded by saying that she's right. I did tell this to Lovey because I hated that furniture from the moment we got it into our house. UGH. I would have sold it....donated to Goodwill...anything....but leave it in my house. So she took it.

I'm truly glad she took it....and that she can get some use out of it.

I think Lovey is upset that my world did not come to a crashing halt when she left....or that I didn't just shrivel up and die. Oh, there were times I wanted to, but I didn't.

But, hey, I have made it. I'm feeling pretty good at the moment.

Grandma is just bent out of shape because she has decided to read between the lines of my letter...and read things into it that aren't really there. She also made the comment that my letter was going to some her friends too. When my letter discusses Lovey, it just reiterates facts...without any characterization. She left on June 20....she took all the furniture. She began her new life. End of story.

I think this is all translated into the fact that this divorce...after 25 years....isn't one of Lovey's more stellar achievements. It's not stellar for any of us actually. But given the fact that Lovey is a minister, well....appearances are everything. And without any window dressing, the facts are pretty well....HARSH.

2 comments:

john said...

All you should be doing now is enjoying your holiday and you children.
Let the laughter continue to echo through your hallways.

Anonymous said...

I agree, enjoy your daughters' company. If you want to meditate on certain reactions at some future point, maybe they can be explained by the fact that they have some divided loyalty, some 90-10 one way others 10 - 90. Each time that you mention Lovey at all, the anti-bodies will get activated. If there is a possible way of mis-reading a statement the anti-bodies will attack. Maybe a statement like "with Lovey's move across the state to start a new ministry, I had the opportunity to buy new furniture and redecorate" would have raised fewer alarms but likely not zero. The point is that you will have unresolved conflict with many of the people who knew both of you. Until that conflict is resolved, or you sever all connection with them (not really possible) issues like this are likely.