This is going to ramble....simply because I'm feeling bad. I've done something to my right shoulder....and right now I'm miserable. It has been with me all weekend long...and last night it woke me around 3am.
Heard from #2 on Saturday. She wasn't chosen as one of the four finalists for the showcase. Although somewhat disappointed, she still was pretty upbeat and is confident that there are some great things in store for her. I know this is true. So, we just all have to be sensitive to when those moments appear.
I've suffered from the blues all weekend long. Pretty much what started this round was the fact that I was wading through all kinds of junk. The junk opened a locker full of memories. (Yes, I'm still cleaning and getting rid of 25 years of stuff.) And those memories gave way to the blues.
I got rid of a bookcase that had been Lovey's even before we married.
I hated that bookcase.
It was tall.
It was dark.
It was UGLY.
It was heavy.
But Lovey was attached to it. And so, it was a part of our family and moved with us from place to place. Always standing someplace...rather stately. After all, who had the strength to move the thing?
It always captured junk and was piled high...Lovey's sermon books......photo albums....baby books.....in one incarnation, I latched onto it to store my vinyl collection.
At the separation, it lived in the rec room holding the kids' baseball card collection....and board games.
When Lovey left for the Shenandoah Valley, she didn't want the bookcase. So, I made an executive decision to get rid of it.
Actually it was in two separate cabinets. I got one cabinet to go to the home of a young female minister -- very appropriate don't you think?
This one remaining part of the cabinet went to a disabled man in a nursing home who needed a shelf for his collection of books.
So, at least, I made someone happy.
But in cleaning out, I succeeded in giving myself the blues. I came across anniversary cards......father's day cards.......birthday cards.......
All from Lovey.
To me.
Tears welled up.... Gee, I'm not sure from where. I thought I had cried them all away... But...there they were....buckets of them...
Nobody knows that I let them fall......except the Dog....and now you.
The 4 trash bags were filled.....4 bags of remnants from 25 years went to the curb this morning.
2 comments:
Allow the pain to flow to the curb along with the four bags. Do not be afraid of the pain, only in holding on to it.
Sorry to hear about #2, I still think she'll be fine. Having a can-do attitude is a good thing.
Blues...yeah, remembering all the past can do that. (Though it IS called junk for a reason.) All these things we love to keep around to remind us are not permanent, we just need to get used to that about life I think. It's tough to let go, but let go we must. Mourn the loss, it's worth it, then let go and find more memories! :)
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