It’s causing me problems again.
Yesterday when I awoke, I was at 57….normal is anywhere between 65-110. It took a bit of effort to get the sugars to rise. Then, this morning when I awoke, I was at 160. Go figure.
So, I’m frustrated about all that.
I’m just not feeling well today. When I don’t feel well everything takes on a negative hue. It exacerbates my loneliness…..my feeling bad towards myself for being gay…..for not being “normal”……for blowing a 25 year marriage……for living alone…….
This is awful.
My internist always says that I need to beware of the fact that with this chronic problem, there are mood swings. Oh boy are they swinging in the wrong direction this morning.
As I’ve had a few moments to myself this morning, I’ve taken an assessment of myself. Never dreamed that I would be so totally alone at this stage in my life. I thought I would have someone in my corner to give me encouragement….to give me a big bear hug……a kind word…..or a pat on the head.
But here I sit all alone…..mustering up the strength to do all those things for myself. Sometimes I just run all out of energy.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the things I have happening at any given moment in my life. Can I keep all the balls in the air and keep them all in motion without any help?
Surely I can……surely I’m not the only person on the planet that has gone through all this stuff.
But at times I feel that way.
2 comments:
OK, Frank, you are going to be alright. Sure it's hard with your medical condition. But is there some sort of support group you could go to for that? It might help you understand what you are going through.
Anyway, the way I read your blog you are a lucky guy. Just count your blessings and those feelings will pass.
Good luck!
Can not give you a physical hug -- cyber one will have to do.
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