Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Sulverdaddies, Match and Scruff

Yup, it's me again. I feel inspired to write my second post of the day. So here goes...

In all those sites I have been a part of over the years, where I was searching in earnest for someone special...or a person with at least some potential, I was always taken with the comment, "I'm looking for someone to drop this app for..."

It made quite the impression on me and I always dreamed about doing just that. You see, I spent so much time looking for that special person...but I never got to that place with the. Sometimes I think that the majority of gay men are just looking for a sexual encounter -- no matter what they say or how sincere they seem.

I've met many such men. They talk a good game. The promise the sun, the moon, with some stars and a few galaxies thrown in to pique your interest. Then, when the moment of truth arrives and they have what they desire from you, something comes from left field. My most classic example was with a man who found tremendous comfort and pleasure in my arms. We saw each other over an extended period of time. I truly thought I fell for him. But in the end, he said, "My heart belongs to my wife. I owe her everything." He had discounted that she had demasculinized him. She had found that he was gay and due to her own insecurities she began a rather strong pattern of verbal and psychological abuse.

He was a good catholic boy...and it was so painful to watch him be so upset by her, that he did not know what to do. It was also hurtful to me to know that I could have really loved him and watched blossom into a beautiful an that didn't owe anything to anybody -- much less her.

But now since I have found love...with Chris....I find that my love for the other man paled in comparison. He, along with the other men I have known physically, simply used me to feel better temporarily. To actually receive some pleasure and be reminded how good it feels to be a man.

Today, on Match.Com, I got a "flag" that said that so-and-so was "interested" in me. Really? It was actually a man that I had conversed with several times a year or so ago. He flaked out on me for whatever reason...and it brought home the fact that made me wonder "Why am I still here on this app?"

Several weeks ago I ditched GRINDR and GROWLR. Today I wiped out the remainders of Sulverdaddies, Match and Scruff. My profiles.....with my pictures.....with my prolific narrative....are gone. I had the Sulverdaddies profile the longest. It said I had over 50,000 visits over those years. But very few of them were seriously interested....and none of them had gone the distance or made the effort to get to know me better.

So, I'm history from them.

I've grown.

I don't need them.

I'm off to more adventures with a very special man....deeper adventures......

I am so thankful.

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