Happy Birthday Lovey!

Yesterday, “Lovey” turned 51 years old and I sent her an email greeting that wished her a happy birthday.

Her email response said that she was glad that I had remembered.

I guess the real problem I have is that I remember lots of things….some good and some bad. It’s the remembrances of things bad that tend to haunt me the most.

As we continue to bob and weave to the end of this hellish divorce finale, I find that I struggle the most with trusting her….of wondering when she says something how much is sincere…..how much is the “real” Lovey.

She has said more than once that another one of the reasons for the divorce is that I never allowed HER to be herself. Good heavens…if I hadn’t done that for almost 25 years, then who has she been?

A friend of mine from the office came to me and was asking how I had been doing. I told her. She then asked me, what would you do if “Lovey” were to ask for your forgiveness and seek to reconcile. I responded by saying confidently…. “That wouldn’t work. It’s over!”

Why?

It’s all the memories of the bad stuff. I want peace in my life….I’m tired of living as if I must walk on egg shells in order to survive. Trying to remember all the rules “Lovey” instituted:

• No wooden spoons in the dishwasher.
• No pots and pans in the dishwasher.
• All items are arranged HER way. No other way is correct.
• Items are folded in the linen closet cylindrically so that more items can be crammed together.
• Keep the toilet seat down at all times.

God forbid you do any of these things any other way…there would be hell to pay. Then, in the scorecard she keeps in her mind, the infraction is but another way of showing that I, the husband, do not respect her!

Then, there are the shoes…

Another reason for the divorce says she, is the fact that I never allowed her to buy shoes. Hmmmm….I guess she figured me out. Since I couldn’t keep her pregnant, I decided to keep her barefoot.

Oddly, the clothes closet in my room that was hers still has a multitude of shoes in them. She now owns a carousel in her room that allows her to admire her collection very effectively! All she has to do is to turn the little handle on the top….and her shoes REVOLVE! She has shoes in boxes AND in her closet in her room there are shoes!

When we used to have this barefoot discussion, I’d point to the shoe collection. Her response would always be, “Those old things….they don’t fit!” I always wondered, then why did she buy them? I guess it’s a man thing.

Oh well, I’m gay. What do I know?

Still no word from Reverend Harold. I don’t know if he is still in tears and sobbing uncontrollably because of the news…or if he has gotten a grip on the news.

Officially, “Lovey” has not told me of their conversation. So, I, the Great Satan, await rebuke from Reverend Harold about not letting “Lovey” be who she is…..or for keeping her barefoot all these years….or the wooden spoons, toilet seats or about my gayness.

Perhaps he’ll feel better once I tell him about the shoe carousel!