June 20 is West Virginia Day!
This is the day that celebrates when West Virginia was admitted into the Union in the year 1863.
In 1963 when I was five years old, the West Virginia Centennial was a big deal. I still have some trinkets at home from that time period and I remember quite well the little black bear that was the symbol of that celebration.
Not only did I learn the June 20 was West Virginia Day, but I also learned that the state flower was the Rhododendron; the state song was something called "Those West Virginia Hills," I saw a play on the West Virginia Showboat called THE RHODODENDRON. It was docked downtown in my hometown...then the largest city in West Virginia...on the Ohio River. The adult I was with at this time was excited to take me to see this fascinating boat. So on the day prior to the performance, we walked down to the river...and there was a lady sunbathing on the sternwheel. I was amazed! I couldn't imagine how she got on the paddles! What site...and here some 43 years later it seems like ysterday.
The final thing I remember from that year was the state motto: "Montani semper liberi" -- Mountaineers are always free!
I'm from West Virginia...and I guess that makes me a mountaineer. So I have always been and will always be free!
Throughout my adult life, June 20 has always been a day of special fondness. No matter what I'm doing I always let those memories of age five drift across my mind...and I smile.
This year I fear...and almost dread June 20. But all through this past 12 months, I"ve dreaded all sorts of other days....like September 28, 2005 which was the 24th anniversary of my proposal to Lovey. December 12, 2005 which was my 24th wedding anniversary. February 14, 2006 which was Valentine's Day. May 1, 2006 which was my 48th Birthday. May 25, 2006 which was Lovey's 51st Birthday. BUT...I sailed past those days...without any issues.....without any tears....without any painful memories.
But I fear June 20, 2006. It's because this is the day it all becomes final physically....Lovey leaves for the last time.....with her stuff.....her multitudes of boxes......the furniture.....the keepsakes......and I'm left...here, with my daughter and my memories, my regrets, my feelings of failure, and, yes, some feelings of insecurity and inadequacy are mixed up in that mess too.
Yes, it's building to this crescendo of sadness....and I feel trapped. I feel like I need to do something....anything to get my mind off this terrible day. Anything to keep me from imploding.....melting into tears and profound sadness.
Gosh, I wish it were all over. But I have to face it. I have to go through this one final day.
I'm a Mountaineer and I'm free.......and I'm afraid.
3 comments:
Yes June 20th will be fearful, as all change is, but it will also be exciting as June 21st will be the first day of your new life. I urge you not to "numb out", but to stay with and watch the fear, I assure you that if you do it will change. And being aware of this change may become indeed one of the greatest lessons that you will take from this experience.
God Bless you my fellow traveler on the path
Here's hoping that something good and liberating waits for you on the far side of June 20th.
I can only imagine that fear, but I do understand it. I don't have any time table or date to point to, but I know i probably will in years ahead. Just the thought is frightening.
But new life is a frightening thing. Bad as the status quo may be, at least it is familiar. You made it through all those other days, you are making it now. You will make it. I'm with rick and bigg, you can do it, and we are all hoping (and or praying) for you.
Cheers, Joe.
Post a Comment