Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Blues.....

Back at work and I have a case of the blues.  It did not help that last night I dreamed of my parents and the house they once lived in...we all lived in...

I miss them so very much.

It just feels so weird to not have them them around. 

At times I feel so strong and so self confident.  Today I just feel alone and needy.  I feel even vulnerable. 

I don't like feeling this way.  But there it is.  Hanging out here for the world to see and to read about. 

I feel so gosh darn fragile.  I don't like feeling this way.  I really must work to shoreup these feelings.  Get my act together and enjoy the life I have. 

I have many blessings to ponder.  God has been great to me.  After all, I could never have survived the massive breakup of my marriage, the kids leaving the nest, the terminal illnesses of my parents, their subsequent deaths, probate, estate liquidation, house renovations, etc. without that presence in my life.

Based on the previous posts, I am gay....and I hunger for a relationship.  Where this hunger comes from, I don't know.  But I feel as though a parrt of me is missing.  I have a hole there that is beyond description.  At times, like now, I am aching for a presence.  I guess it scares me because as I said previously, I don't want to appear to be needy and I don't want to fall for the first thing that shows the least bit of interest.

I have a secret list of qualifications that I am looking for.  I created it to just put out there in the universe what I long for -- up close and personal.
I feel like a bloomin' onion....layers and layers and layers of stuff to deal with. 

It never ends. 


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