Anger

Today I went to another church -- one a bit more inclusive and accepting of diversity. No great loss at the other church since no one at that church has really bothered to contact me or to even check in. As I drove to the new one, I couldn't help to feel some anger billowing up inside. It hurts to feel like an outcast.

When I arrived at the new church, I was immediately welcomed by two transgendered people...two lesbians and a gay guy. They were certainly open and at ease with themselves. Their ease, made me feel immediately at home. I had just arrived at the beginning of their coffee hour. So, I mingled. I'm amazed at how at ease I felt. Yes, it felt like "home."

The sermon was about PEACE. A topic that I could feel inside that I needed to desperately hear. I also heard music that lifted my spirit.

However, as I drove home....the closer I got, the more anger I felt....at my other church....at "lovey"....at the world.

When I finallly got home, I walked inside to find that "lovey" was ready to discuss alimony. I warned her that I was on edge..so we meandered around the topic.

I boiled over. I'm not sure where it came from.....but it spewed out like an eruption of a volcano. Everything that I had been storing up from the neglect from my church staff members.....to the fact that I asked her just what value was I to her and the children other than as a "Daddy Warbucks". We went at it for quite sometime, until she received a telephone call from a colleague of hers. However, before that she actually apologized to me for the divorce.....and how she realizes now that she had neglected my family...as an oversight. We both kind of feel it's too late to do anything about it, but I did appreciate the effort. After her phone call was ended.....I was exhausted. I didn't want to talk about things any further....and neither did she.

So hear I am, with a slight headache, trying to recover from my outburst.

How I hate this...