Friend

I’m amazed at how things in my life, while at times seem to be in utter chaos, suddenly take a turn towards affirmation and even confirmation -- confirmation of the fact that I am on the right path in my journey; and, affirmation that I am a good person and worthy of good things…not the dung beetle I once thought I was.

I am also profoundly affected by the things that I am learning through this period of transition. I seeing glimmers of new things and the excitement of new experiences.

There’s even a new word that's becoming more common in my life – friend.

Growing up I had only a handful of what I would consider truly close friends. I suppose my standards have been rather high since I’ve always defined the word friend as someone who knows all there is to know about you and loves you anyway. Thus, I’ve not hot had that many.

Why?

It is the plain and simple fact that I have not let people know all there is to know about me. You see, my gayness has been my constant companion since the age of four.

Lately I’m beginning to see that I am nurturing a lot of new friendships. I seem to be emerging from my shell. It’s so different for me to be able to not be shy for once. I am actually able to start a conversation with total strangers. Folks even comment on my warmth and compassion.

I am also enjoying the company of men.

Because of being hidden deep in a dark closet for so long, my male friendships were nil. I had walls erected. I felt like Maxwell Smart from the old TV series “Get Smart”, when he is going to his secret headquarters and how he must pass through all those doors that are swinging shut from all angles. Yes, he is secure behind all those doors.

I was secure behind all those walls. Nobody knew the real me. Undoubtedly many thought I was stranger or different.

Last night I spent time having coffee with a new male friend. What an affirming and powerful meeting it was. He’s a minister in the denomination that my wife and I are involved with, so he is uniquely familiar with the situation we now face: awaiting “Lovey’s” appointment to her first, full-fledged pastorate!

I immediately felt comfortable with him. It was as if we had been friends for years. No walls…no hidden agendas…..no fear of what he might think.

Just honest and clear dialog over the course of two hours.

He told me his story….and I told him mine. He told me of his life in the closet and his very slow emergence out of it. He spoke of his need for continued discretion but how his children and other extended family members have supported him. He explained his need of male camaraderie and the pleasure he derives from talking to other men with similar backgrounds.

We spoke of our dreams for the future and our marital frustrations…our frustrations with organized Christianity and their views of homosexuality. We also discussed intimacy and how each of us has discovered it in our own ways. The crushes….the disappointments….the longings….the joys….the sadness….the loneliness….both of us could write extensive books on them all.

Yes, my situation brought us together and I reached out. When I did, I had a strong warm hand that reached back.

When you have a true friend, you have a living, breathing gift.