Gaydar

The first time I ever heard the term “gaydar” was when I was watching one of Oprah Winfrey’s programs.

I’ve often wondered how it is that someone can be in a a crowded room, or walking down the street, and something inside responds to a certain glance, or a certain look. “Lovey” and I have been known to play games in a restaurant. As we’re going inside, we’ll notice a car in the parking lot with a rainbow flag and then I’ll take a spin around the restaurant to see if I can identify the car’s owner. Invariably I’m able to do this. I’ve gotten to be pretty good at it.

I don’t know how or why I am able to do this.

Just yesterday, I was walking with a gay friend near Central Park West in New York City. It was our first meeting, and he and I had been sharing the stories of our lives. As we walked and talked my “gaydar” was going off right and left. A number of guys were walking their dogs. Some appeared as couples. I spotted lesbians. Then there were the obvious ones: the ones holding hands.

Nobody seemed to care.

Granted, I was in one of the largest cities in the United States where people are more sophisticated. Still, it was amazing to me that here they were: gay people of all ages, sizes, shapes, skin color and gender, happily living their lives!

I remarked to my friend, who is married to a woman and struggling with his gay identity, about all the gay people I was seeing.

He couldn’t see them. They were invisible to him. He hasn’t been able to get his “gaydar” to work. He seemed frustrated at not being able to see like-minded individuals.

Yet, here I could see them -- all over the place…not beating their chests to say, “Here I am. I’m gay. Look at me!”

They were just going about their business, happily living their lives!

I want that.