Strength for the Journey

The meeting in Rhode Island was one of the most meaningful I’ve attended in all my life. It ranks up there in importance very close to the religious retreat I attended back in August.

I suppose the reason for all this happens to be the fact that in both instances I’m presenting myself as an authentic gay man. Nothing extraordinary. Nothing perverted. Just your average, run-of-the-mill, garden variety, hot-blooded, American, gay male.

It is so liberating.

Many of the guys spoke to the fact that in growing up they had few male friends….primarily due to the fear of being discovered as gay. Man, I can relate to that. The majority of my life has been lived in fear of what others thought… And to finally arrive at the place where it doesn’t really matter….that you’re loved and accepted. Well, it’s hard to describe.

Being gay is so much more than slamming similar body parts together between the sheets.

It’s about intimacy and feeling close to another man that understands. Someone you can be yourself and not feel like you have to have the wall in place to be a “man.” It’s about being able to just run up and hug a friend…or even to greet him with a kiss.

Being gay is about how you view your world. It’s comraderie. It’s about being able to have fun….to be like a kid….to be goofy….to laugh…..and to actually love and connect with another man.

It’s being able to understand him….totally. No mystery.

And when it comes to the sexual intimacy….it’s passionate equally…..it’s intense……it’s affectionate……and you know how the various parts work….and what feels good and what doesn’t.

A number of the wives of the men that attended this meeting were fearful of letting their husbands attend this because their perception was that it would be nothing more than a sex-fest. I can assure you, it wasn’t any of this.

It was just a bunch of middle aged gay guys on similar paths comparing war stories…..feeling each other’s pain…..and caring for one another. Shedding tears here and there….

As I told my story….I lost it. I brokedown and cried…..and a number of the guys did the same as I finished.

Emotionally we connected. Simply.

Unashamedly.

One new friend actually spent a significant time holding me…..and allowing me to cry. God bless him!

Aw everyone….sometimes I think I have come such a long way…..and then I look up…and realize that I have even further to go.

There are so many twists and turns on this path.

It takes such strength to keep moving forward.