This evening I find myself DOWN.
It's probably due to exhaustion more than anything else. Yet, this feeling of deep and dark depression is very real to the point of my only wanting to bury myself in sobs.
Perhaps it's a speed bump sort of thing.
Perhaps its the fact that I'm in semi-familiar surroundings of my childhood...but they're different. Time has made significant changes.
I still have those familiar feelings of emptiness...of sadness at how my life has turned out.....in spite of all the plans I had.
I'm also accompanied by those companion feelings of total loneliness.
Here in West Virginia, I feel like the only gay man currently residing here.
It ain't pretty.
Yet, here I am....
This probably ain't a good night for separation agreements.
I want this cloud to lift.
I must be strange. Better yet, I must be the strangest man here on planet earth. I have so much to be happy about. But at the same time, I am totally swamped by feelings of total failure in love....in relationships.....professionally.....everything.
I hate this...
3 comments:
Hang in there mate. Just hang in there.
You're not strange to me! And you're not a failure!! You have raised some great kids and are surrounded by people who love and need you. Don't be too hard on yourself. Also, this is a lot to take at one time, and there has been ALOT going on, it's probably starting to take it's toll (which is also probably making you depressed.) I suggest you get some rest, and make time to do something that know will make you happy...even a simple gesture like buying something special for your mother. You can work to make the cloud go away. Hang in there.
Hang in there.
You aren't the only gay man in West Virginia--I'm a Mountaineer too--Let's Go Mountaineers!!!
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