My Weekend of Fear

I suppose you could say that this is my weekend of fear.

I'm so frightened by all my current drama concerning my parents, I can't begin to dscribe what it's really like.

This is silly... I know. I'm a grown man for goodness sakes. But, when it comes to my parents....and the fact that I am an only child, it doesn't take a whole lot for me to be the frightened little boy again that I thought I had outgrown.

Due to all the drama that is unfolding in my life concerning my mother, I've been offline quite a bit the last few days. Therefore, while I am aware that you have written me...I haven't had the time to focus on all the emails to my various email addresses. Please forgive me. Lovey always accused me of having a one track mind...and I believe she is correct. I'm currently on overload at the moment....and can barely think of anything other than the welfare of my mother and father.

I've not been sleeping well..... It's like I can't shut my mind off and just relax.

Night before last, I didn't get in bed until 3:30 a.m....and I was ready to go back into my office at 5:00!

Here's what I know right now:

Mother does not have to have the dreaded heart cathertization after all. Her surgeon and primary care physicians say that her heart is doings as well as it can be expected to do for a 72 yo who had quadruple bypass 13 years ago! They told her that it is imperative at this point to quit her smoking...which she is willing to do.

She is scheduled to have exploratory cancer surgery (abdominal) on Monday morning. She is expected to be in the hospital at least 7 days. They don't know how bad it is. They don't know if it has spread. They are "flying blind"...and this is the reason for the abdominal surgery.

My two daughters are there in West Virginia with her now. I will be driving there tomorrow to join them. I plan to stay there at least until Friday....but will definitely extend indefinitely if there are any crises. I pray there are none now.

Mother is very upbeat....and is confident that everything will work out just fine. I, the only child, have a host of worries -- especially the what ifs..and my dad.

However, I plan to only focus on one issue at a time....otherwise I will be overwhelmed and just shut down.

I am taking my laptop with me. However, I'm not sure just how much I will be feeling like writing.

Just know that you are in my thoughts....and I pray that my mother and my family and me all remain in yours.

I will post something when I know it.