I have now been a divorced man for one full year!
Happy anniversary to me!
I talked to some folks yesterday who believe that divorce is much like a death. I think I've said that before. So, they say that that the first anniversary for that can be really bad....so why not a divorce. One person I chatted with said that her daughter, who has now gone through two divorces, has felt the exact same way.
So I guess I am "normal."
It's not that I miss Lovey. It's not that I'm bemoaning the fact that she divorced me.
I dealt with that long ago.
It's just how she did it......and the things she did and the things she said and wrote between the separation and the divorce that has stirred up all the sadness that appears to be my constant companion this week.
So, if you're a new reader....go back through the earlier posts to see what all I've been through and perhaps you may get an idea of what I'm talking about. (Although, I must admit, I didn't write about everything....)
Life goes on.
I've begun a new phase in my life.
It's just hard sometimes when those anniversaries come......
2 comments:
Frank;
My wife and I have gone back and forth about a divorce. My reaction when that has come up is that I get sad over the thought of the loss. However, she gets angry, she gets jealous of the guy I MIGHT FIND someday to be my life partner, and gets angry at my “betrayal” of her with him (even though I have never had sex with a man and she is the only one that has ever asked for a divorce). When we are in a good state all this “insanity” goes away. I have asked her what is the difference and I do not get (I am not sure she can articulate) a coherent answer. The best that I can theorize is that she has to demonize me, and take on the role of the victim in order for her to justify to her ego taking a step that is so out of character with the “Leave it to Beaver” model that we have been taught to idealize.
That model says that marriage is a life sentence. Only the most extreme circumstances (abuse, abandonment, etc.) justify “failure” else you die trying. That model can not allow for a partnership having succeeded for a significant period of time and for the good of both parties now needs to end so that they can move on both jointly and independently. We recognize that with adolescents as they pass into maturity, why can we not recognize that as adults come into a more full realization of who they are and what they need? Is it again society’s one size fits all standards applied to marriage just like its one size fits all standard applied to sexual orientation and gender roles?
Maybe Lovie just got caught up in the societal bind like my wife is. A lot of things get said during a divorce – some mean exactly what the words say – others do not.
Rick
This is one of those occasions when 'happy anniversary' just doesn't fit... But how about wishing you many serene returns?
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