Monday, May 26, 2008

The Gay Thing

The gay thing messes with me.

It has really played with my mind.....my life......my relationships. Everywhere!

I feel that it has definitely left me scarred a bit.

How do you date? Some of the things I have been through have left me mistrustful...and I find that I guard my heart with a fierceness. I don't want to get hurt.

But...on top of that I think that guarded fierceness sends out a message of unavailability. I can't seem to let myself relax.

Then on the other hand....I find that I look at every gay man as a potential partner. Or as someone to date.

How do I relax enough to know if a man is "the one"?

How do I reach the point of allowing myself the luxury of trusting again without the fear of the hurt....or the pain of the hurt.

At times I feel this gay thing just makes things harder.

All the way around.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Do I ever empathize with your not wanting to get hurt! And I certainly have shared that looking at every gay man as a potential partner/date. But since I have met someone I think might be "the one" I have made myself think of others differently, as potential friends instead of potential lovers. Until it's clear that this guy is not "the one" I'm not going to look for anyone else because to do so would make it difficult to really know if this warm, wonderful man with whom I have so much in common is someone I could share my life with.

Chuck

Vic Mansfield said...

How different is it for straights? Or when we were playing it straight? Every date is potential mate. So it goes.

Now that we are older (wiser?) and starting all over, it is harder than before, like the rules are different. And certainly what we are looking for is (in one sense) very different. But not in all ways.

I'm not even "shopping" yet, and I'm scared!