Call me slow.
VERY slow.
Or call me Pollyanna.
More bluntly, just call me stupid.
I have this ideal in my mind. I meet this wonderful man....he's kind, compassionate, considerate, loving, affectionate. We meet and fall in love. Then we begin a life together....filed with love and laughter.....good and bad times -- but because we have each other, the bad is more bearable.
****sound of a old phonograph needle being dragged across and album*****
OUCH.
So far, in the gay world, this is not my experience.
Yesterday I learned this first hand.
As a result of some big changes I made to one of my profiles on one of those dating sites, folks are cruising by my profile and some are making contact. One guy in particular caught my eye.
He wrote to me faithfully for a period of about a week. It was fun. He is ten years younger. Nicely built. Said he enjoyed everything I do.
So, since I took the day off yesterday...and was already out and about, I thought I would meet him.
Which I did.
The first thing he wanted was for me to service him.
Yup...in "that" way.
That's not what I am about.
So needless to say....I didn't stay long....and I left....
The relationship was over long before it could ever start.
It's discouraging....it's bothersome.... AND....what a waste of my time and apparently his.
So, I am left to wonder, when you are dating....and meeting new people......how does one know that they aren't being sold a bill of goods without substance? Is the heart of gay relationships only in how long it takes to get both parties between the sheets?
If it is....and the number of gay relationships are a series of sexual encounters....I suppose it says a whole lot more about the status of those relationships than I had ever pondered.
Most of the guys I am meeting don't appear to want any substance. They seem to thrive on the rush that comes along with the hunt....and then the conquering. When the moaning stops, they throw you a towel....show you the door....and get online looking for the next conquest. The performance pressure is on: you better be at your best. Forget about the nervousness....or the uncertainty.....or learning what makes the other guy quiver.... Forget about close and intimate conversation before during and after. Just get in, get off and get out.
Apparently...all it takes is fifteen minutes or less.
So here I am....a good guy....looking for a special man. He's kind, compassionate, considerate, loving, affectionate. We meet and fall in love. Then we begin a life together....filed with love and laughter.....good and bad times -- but because we have each other, the bad is more bearable. We even grow old together. We know everything about each other.
Sometimes I wonder if it even exists in the gay world.
Only time will tell as I continue my quest....
2 comments:
No, you're not slow. Nor are you stupid. Perhaps you are a bit naive.
From my experience, most gay guys (whether in bars or ads) are after one thing, sex. They care nothing about you as a person. Nothing. That has been my experience.
However, every now and then you met a genuine person. Hopefully you will see in each other qualities that are compatible and that you like. Sex may follow, it may not. To me sex has always been a far second, if that. Perhaps that is why I am still alive today whereas as many of my contemporaries are long gone, due to AIDS. My romantic notion of a gay relationship has probably saved my life.
I am truly sorry that you are running into so many shallow and selfish guys. It is not easy to meet the right guy. But when it happens, and it will, there is nothing better. I've been there and I know.
Do not despair Frank. There is nothing the matter with you. It's the dickheads you're meeting.
Don't give up.
I'm with Ron, Frank... All things come to those who are patient...
For the most part, gay men under the age of 40 are out and about, on the gay "dating" sites for only one purpose... To get their rocks off...
Unfortunately for them, they have never experienced a "relationship" but merely a friendship with great sex... I was married to wife #2 for almost 20 years, and I was nearly 30 when we met... Love and lust are often confused, especially by us queers... My partner of 2 years is 16 years younger than I, and I so fear I don't "put out" enough... It all comes back to "as he gets older, I get BETTER!".
Keep trying, my new friend, the world still awaits you!
Tom
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